My stepchildren treated me like their real mom for many years, but when their biological mother reappeared, everything changed. They pushed me to my limits until I left their home. Days later, they were begging for me to return.
I’ve been married to my husband, Tommy, for six years. He has a pair of 16-year-old twins, Jack and Lily, whose mother hasn’t been in their lives since they were eight.
When Tommy and I got together, we went to family therapy, and I made it clear I wasn’t there to replace their mom. We wanted to make sure that I entered their lives seamlessly, without it doing any harm to the children’s mental and emotional well-being.
Everything has been wonderful for the past six years, and I think a big factor is because of therapy. The twins even started calling me mom around age 12 or 13. However, things took a turn for the worst in the last months.
Their biological mom, Maggie, waltzed her way back into their lives. The kids were doubtful at first but eventually became thrilled to have her back. I, too, was happy to see the twins build a relationship with their biological mom.
However, after about six months of spending time with Maggie, they began calling me by my real name, Carol. It hurt, but I never questioned it. It was their right to call me by my first name, given that the title of “Mom” belonged to someone else.
But things went bad from there. They started being very disrespectful to me, snubbing me at times when they came home late. They no longer followed the curfew rules, stopped cleaning up after themselves, and began talking back to me. What hurt most was emphasizing that I wasn’t their real mom.
Three weeks ago, there was a big blowup where the twins CALLED ME NAMES. I tear up every time I remember them cussing at me. They even accused me of being the reason why their parents separated. This was false because I only met Tommy two years after the breakup. When I stood my ground and got mad at them for being disrespectful, they left to live with Maggie.
Tommy knew what had happened and didn’t back me up. He said nothing to his children and claimed it was their right to live with their mother if they wanted to. I felt heartbroken and disrespected.
To teach them and my husband a lesson, I canceled our planned vacation to Disney World. They were surprised when I didn’t begin the customary vacation planning on Thursday night because they didn’t think I would cancel the already-paid outing.
The twins were outraged. Jack and Lily labeled me envious, selfish, and terrible. “You’re just jealous because our mom is back and you’re nothing again. We never liked you to begin with!” Lily said. Tommy just stood there, speechless.
“Tommy, are you going to step in here?” I asked, hoping for some support.
“Caroline, you were wrong to cancel,” he said.
The final straw was that. I packed my stuff and went to stay at a hotel. Tommy bombarded my phone with messages and calls, pleading with me to come back. He said that I shouldn’t have canceled the vacation in the first place and that I was overreacting.
Yesterday, he told me that Maggie had vanished again. Upon returning to their father’s home, the twins inquired about my whereabouts. When the father revealed that I had left due to their behavior over the last few months, the kids began crying. He also told them that I was seeking for divorce.
Jack and Lily instantly recognized that I was a big mother figure in their life. They also came to face the reality that as soon as their original mother discovered she would have to take care of her kids instead of partying, she hurriedly fled without saying goodbye.
The children were crying. They phoned, pleading with me to come back and beg forgiveness. Though I doubted I would ever go back, I knew I could forgive them with ease. Not only was I upset with the kids for treating me badly, but I was also incensed with my spouse for not standing by me. Tommy made no request for forgiveness despite the youngsters’ heartfelt apologies. He only begged that I come back.
Tommy was shocked to hear that I was adamant about divorcing him over the phone. But because I liked the kids so much, I told them they could come see my new house and even move in anytime they wanted. I apologize, Tommy. I told him, “I don’t know how you can say you love me when you watch other people treat me badly and do nothing.
Though they were disappointed by my choice, the children also saw how foolish they were and how their father had let me down.
I know full well that their mother was playing tricks on them. I am also aware that kids are not yet grown enough to understand the seriousness of the issue. I still want them to be my children because of this, but I can’t say the same about Tommy.
Tommy gave me another call a few days later. He was more collected this time.
Carol, please, he begged, “let’s talk.”
“There’s nothing else to say, Tommy. I answered, attempting to maintain my composure. You abandoned me when I most needed it.
“The children are inconsolable. They came to the realization that they were mistaken. Why don’t you just talk to them when you get home?He pleaded.
Tommy, I’m not coming back. Not to our union. However, I’ll stop over to visit Jack and Lily,” I remarked.
The twins raced to me as I got to the home, tears running down their cheeks.
“Lily wailed, ‘We’re so sorry, Carol. “We were in error. Those were not the things we meant to say.
With tears in his eyes, Jack nodded. “We were ecstatic to see Mom again. However, we understood how deeply we had wounded you when she departed again.
I gave them each a strong embrace, understanding their anguish and remorse. “I adore you two a great deal. However, this goes beyond what you mentioned. Between your father and I, there is a more serious matter at hand.
“Please don’t go from us,” Lily muttered. “I won’t abandon you. I told them, “You may come see me whenever you want, and you’re always welcome in my new apartment.
Tommy remained still for a moment. He hadn’t apologized yet. All he seemed to be saying was “meh.”
“I’m moving out, Tommy. I’ll return to retrieve my belongings. I broke down in speech, “I hope you understand why I have to do this.”
“I get it, Carol. When he did eventually mutter, “I’m sorry, but it was too late.
I felt a mixture of relief and melancholy as I packed my belongings. A mixture of sadness about my marriage ending and relief that I was standing up for myself. While the twins assisted me with packing, we discussed how our family may continue to exist, albeit in a new capacity.
Jack and Lily gave me big hugs as I was leaving. “We all say the same thing, Carol: we love you.” “I also adore you,” I said, my eyes welling with tears. “We’ll overcome this. collectively.
In the next weeks, I relocated to my new residence. The twins came over frequently, and we gradually started to mend our friendship. They expressed their deep regret and I could tell that they were earnest in their apology.
Thinking back on all that transpired, I question if I made the correct decision in divorcing Tommy and preserving my connection with my stepchildren. Was that the right decision I made? Was it worth it to put my emotional health and self-respect above enduring a marriage in which I felt abandoned?
Another woman achieved her happily ever after, but Carol did not. And that too at fifty years old.
Upon reaching 50, my spouse unexpectedly transformed into the man I married.
I’ve been married to my spouse, Chris, for more than 20 years. He has always been a fantastic parent to our children and a kind man. He was really kind and couldn’t get his hands off me in the beginning. I believed that our electric chemistry would always be there.
However, once the children arrived, things began to shift. The love, the passion, even the lighthearted flirtation that we used to share started to wane. I started to feel like we were simply roommates at that point. Although I’ve read about couples who experience a loss of intimacy and passion after having kids, I never imagined it would happen to me.
Then, two months ago, an entirely unanticipated event occurred. Chris asked me out of the blue if I wanted to spend the weekend away by us. I nearly didn’t believe it at first since it was such a shock. That was something we hadn’t done in a long time. However, I consented, believing that it might spark a part of our forgotten memories.
His new outlook persisted when we went home. He began to gain muscle and lose weight. I couldn’t take my hands off him, he looked better than he did when we were married. I couldn’t help but wonder what had led to this unexpected change.