My stepchildren treated me like their own mother for years, but when their mother resurfaced, everything changed. They tested me to the point that I made the decision to go. They were pleading with me to return a few days later.
Tommy and I have been together for six years. Jack and Lily, his 16-year-old twins, have not seen their mother since they were eight years old.
Tommy and I went to family therapy after we got together, and I was very clear that I wasn’t there to take the place of their mother. We wanted to make sure that the children’s mental and emotional health was not harmed by my sudden and seamless presence into their lives.
For the previous six years, everything was great, mostly because of treatment. At about age twelve or thirteen, the twins even began calling me mom. However, throughout the past few months, things have become worse.
Maggie, their biological mother, reappeared in their life. The kids were apprehensive when she returned, but they quickly warmed up to her. The twins’ bond with their biological mother also made me joyful.
But after spending time with Maggie for approximately six months, they started referring to me by my true name, Carol. I never questioned it even though it hurt. Since the label of “Mom” belonged to someone else, they had the right to address me by my first name.
But from there, things just got worse. They stopped cleaning up after themselves, ignored me when I arrived home late, and started acting extremely disrespectfully toward me. They also started talking back to me. The thing that hurt the most was when they insisted that I wasn’t their biological mother.
There was a major outcry when the twins called me names three weeks ago. Every time I think back on them swearing at me, I cry. They even said that I was the cause of their parents’ divorce, which was untrue given that Tommy and I didn’t become together until two years later. They moved in with Maggie after I held my position and became enraged with them for their rudeness.
Tommy didn’t support me even though he knew what had happened. He kept silent and insisted that his kids may live with their mother if they so desired. I experienced hurt and disdain.
We were going to Disney World, but I canceled to give kids and my husband a lesson. They were startled when Thursday night arrived and I hadn’t started the customary vacation planning—they hadn’t thought that I would cancel the trip that had already been paid for.
The twins felt enraged. I was branded nasty, egotistical, and jealous by Jack and Lily. “You’re simply envious because our mom returned and you have no relevance anymore. We didn’t like you at all to begin with! said Lily. Tommy remained still and mute.
“Tommy, will you enter this area?” I requested in the hopes of getting some help.
“Caroline, you were wrong to cancel,” he said.
The final straw was that. I headed to a motel after packing my bags. Tommy bombarded my phone with messages and calls, pleading for me to come back. He said that I shouldn’t have canceled the vacation in the first place and that I was overreacting.
He informed me yesterday that Maggie had vanished once more. Upon returning to their father’s home, the twins inquired about my whereabouts. The kids started weeping when he told them that I had gone because of the way they had been acting these last three months. He also informed them of my divorce file.
It dawned on Jack and Lily that I had a significant role as a mother figure in their lives. They also said that their biological mother departed without saying goodbye as soon as she discovered she would have to look after her children instead of going out.
The children were crying. They phoned, pleading with me to come back and beg forgiveness. Though I doubted I would ever go back, I knew I could forgive them with ease. Not only was I upset with the kids for treating me badly, but I was also incensed with my spouse for not standing by me. Tommy made no request for forgiveness despite the youngsters’ heartfelt apologies. He only begged that I come back.
Tommy was shocked to hear that I was adamant about divorcing him over the phone. But because I liked the kids so much, I told them they could come see my new house and even move in anytime they chose. I apologize, Tommy. I told him, “I don’t know how you can say you love me when you watch other people treat me badly and do nothing.
Though they were disappointed by my choice, the children also saw how foolish they were and how their father had let me down.
I know full well that their mother was playing tricks on them. I am also aware that kids are not yet grown enough to understand the seriousness of the issue. I still want them to be my children because of this, but I can’t say the same about Tommy.
Tommy gave me another call a few days later. He was more collected this time.
Carol, please, he begged, “let’s talk.”
“There’s nothing else to say, Tommy. I answered, attempting to maintain my composure. You abandoned me when I most needed it.
“The children are inconsolable. They came to the realization that they were mistaken. He pleaded, “Can’t you just go back home and talk to them?
Tommy, I’m not coming back. Not to our union. However, I’ll stop over to visit Jack and Lily,” I remarked.
The twins raced to me as I got to the home, tears running down their cheeks.
“Lily wailed, ‘We’re so sorry, Carol. “We were in error. Those were not the things we meant to say.
With tears in his eyes, Jack nodded. “We were ecstatic to see Mom again. However, we understood how deeply we had wounded you when she departed again.
I gave them each a strong embrace, understanding their anguish and remorse. “I adore you two a great deal. However, this goes beyond what you mentioned. Between your father and I, there is a more serious matter at hand.
“Please don’t go from us,” Lily muttered. “I won’t abandon you. I told them, “You may come see me whenever you want, and you’re always welcome in my new apartment.
Tommy remained still for a moment. He hadn’t apologized yet. All he seemed to be saying was “meh.”
“I’m moving out, Tommy. I’ll return to retrieve my belongings. I broke down in speech, “I hope you understand why I have to do this.”
“I get it, Carol. When he did eventually mutter, “I’m sorry, but it was too late.
I felt a mixture of relief and melancholy as I packed my belongings. A mixture of sadness about my marriage ending and relief that I was standing up for myself. While the twins assisted me with packing, we discussed how our family may continue to exist, albeit in a new capacity.
Jack and Lily gave me big hugs as I was leaving. “We all say the same thing, Carol: we love you.” “I also adore you,” I said, my eyes welling with tears. “We’ll overcome this. collectively.
In the next weeks, I relocated to my new residence. The twins came over frequently, and we gradually started to mend our friendship. They expressed their deep regret and I could tell that they were earnest in their apology.
Thinking back on all that transpired, I question if I made the correct decision in divorcing Tommy and preserving my connection with my stepchildren. Was that the right decision I made? Was it worth it to put my emotional health and self-respect above enduring a marriage in which I felt abandoned?