My spouse revealed a shocking suggestion on the eve of our tenth wedding anniversary: he suggested we try out an open relationship. Surprised but not deterred, I agreed, hoping to give him a lesson. I thrived while he struggled to adjust to the current dating scene, which resulted to a tension that was partly envious. Whether our already-tense relationship can withstand this daring challenge is still up for debate.
And so here Dave and I were, having dinner for our tenth anniversary at a fancy restaurant he had picked out. The scene was charming, with soothing music playing in the background and tables lighted by candles that seemed like they belonged in a romantic movie. And yet, here I was, ready to hear from my spouse with a recommendation that might change my life.
Dave said, “Felicity,” in a strangely casual tone, as if he was just asking about placing an order for dessert. “I’ve been considering…”
Now, Dave generally indicates something fishy when he says he’s been thinking. This is the man who, believing it would “save time,” once chose to put up Christmas lights in July. I was obviously alert.
“Please continue,” I said, trying not to let my nervousness show through in my voice.
You have expressed your recent exhaustion from taking care of the kids and everything else. I thus reasoned that maybe we ought to think about pursuing a romantic connection.
As a reflexive response, I blinked repeatedly to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Could you say that again?
He drew closer, a kind of ardent naivete shining in his eyes. Consider this: you can unwind more with the kids while I’m out having fun with other women. I won’t be a concern for you. A win-win scenario exists!
My heart broke a little when I heard him talk about “real women.”
“Genuine women?” With a shaky voice, I whispered.
Yes, it would be considered a favor by you. Less strain, surely?
I had a strong want to respond aggressively; I thought of tossing my wine in his face or making a spectacle fit for a daytime television show. But then something clicked, and I came up with a far more clever plan.
I gave Dave a sardonic smile and added, “You know what? That seems like a very great concept.
His face brightened like a Christmas child’s. “Really?”
“Yes,” I said, my tone sweetening to disguise my cunning plan. “As long as I am also able to see other people.”
For a minute, his conviction faltered, but then his usual casualness came back. Indeed, why not?
Dave, oh, how I miss you. He was completely unaware of the ruckus he had just sparked.
The next week came, and it was evident that Dave was struggling with his newfound “dating freedom.”
He would frequently be dejectedly scrolling through dating apps, his attempts at finding love not always ending happily.
He collapsed next to me as I folded clothes one evening, muttering, “Another potential date just canceled,” scarcely concealing his schadenfreude.
“She’s ‘taking a break from men,’ whatever that means,” he said, looking to me for some kind of clarification.
I shrugged and said, “Maybe she could sense your desperation through the app?” with a sly smile that was hard to hide.
You’re not doing any good, he bemoaned.
My curiosity overpowering me I looked through his phone one morning while he was taking a shower. Any doubts I had about him succeeding in this endeavor were dashed by the long list of rejections and unpleasant interactions I discovered.
In the meanwhile, my experience was very different.
Presenting Shawn, the endearing colleague with seductive eyes and a mischievous smile. I brought up our new arrangement for our relationship during a casual conversation over coffee at work.
“Wait, your hubby really recommended this?” Incredulous, Shawn raised an eyebrow.
“Yes,” I said, sipping my latte. “Crazy, huh?”
Shawn laughed, seeing his opportunity. “Well, I might gain from his loss. How about we seize this odd offer from him?
How could I turn down a proposal this attractive?
After our successful coffee date, I invited Shawn over for supper. I took great care in my preparations, putting on a gorgeous new clothing and making a dinner that would satisfy even the pickiest cook. Prior to Shawn’s arrival, I sent Dave something provocative:
Tonight, don’t return home. With my date, things may get out of hand.
I could feel the thrill of rebellion when I clicked submit. Soon after, Shawn showed up, looking like the ideal date.
Everything went well at dinner: there was lively discussion and mutual desire. Dave stormed in, shouting about a bad date with a woman who was crazy about her animals, as we were laughing over dessert.
“Am I disturbing you?” He stopped to see the private situation.
I said, “Actually, yes,” without skipping a beat. Did my message miss you?
Dave read my previous text and his cheeks flushed as he examined his phone.
With my arms crossed, I said, “So, could you please give us a few more hours? We had just reached the fascinating part, Shawn and I.
His mouth fell open. “You’re not serious at all.”
“Dead serious,” I shot back. “Remember, you came up with this idea.”
Dave’s countenance alternated between bewilderment, rage, and grudging acceptance. Alright. However, we must speak. Right now.
I turned to Dave after apologizing to Shawn and saying we should get together again soon.
Felicity, what’s the whole point of this? How and where did you discover him? An agency for modeling?
I responded to his shocked expression, “He’s a colleague,” with a mixture of annoyance and delight. Dave, you started this. You now have to bear the repercussions.
He appeared to be in true sorrow, experiencing a mixture of remorse and recognition. “I realize that I made a grave error. Observing you with someone else is intolerable, and it’s not simple.
I gave in to his confession and become a little softer. Did you really believe I wouldn’t get harmed too? that I wouldn’t be impacted by your suggestion?
Deflated, he sighed. “I made a mistake. I apologize. I’m sorry for taking you for granted; that has to stop.
I nodded, my lingering rage dissipating. “I’m grateful, Dave. We require significant reform. Time to give us some serious attention.
He nodded sincerely and recommended therapy and quality time spent together. “Whatever it requires.”
A positive vibe filled the room as we sat down on the couch, remembering our first date, owning up to our faults from the past, and making plans for the future.
I said, “Let’s take this one day at a time.”
“Day by day,” he said.
With that, a sincere attempt at reconciliation was launched, based on the knowledge gained from a risky but turbulent marital experiment. Cheers to genuine second chances, the challenging lessons learned from love, and the unwavering will to keep a marriage together. Let’s toast to the crazy ride that is marriage!
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