I realized I had to take action when my husband suggested our daughter wasn’t “European” enough. I came up with a strategy to discipline him, but as I saw his entire world fall apart, I wasn’t sure whether I had gone too far.
I found myself standing in my living room, gazing at my spouse as if he were unfamiliar. As Peter’s comments lingered in the space between us, my entire world seemed to be on tilt.
What do you mean that you desire a second child? I asked, attempting to maintain a steady tone. “Amelia is only a year old, and you haven’t been close to her since her birth.”
Peter sidestepped my stare as he ran a hand over his hair. “Well, Nora, I simply… I hoped she would end up pale and blue-eyed like my mother and sister. However, she doesn’t resemble my vision at all.
My mouth dropped. “Are you serious at this moment?”
“I simply imagined that perhaps our second one would appear more… what, European, do you know?”
I answered sharply, “No, actually, I don’t know what you mean.” Would you mind explaining?
Peter moved apprehensively. “You know, I’m honored to be of Norwegian descent. My family won’t put up with Amelia looking that… brown, I’m afraid.
I was hearing things that I couldn’t believe. Speaking about our baby as though she were a letdown, even my own spouse. I started to feel angry, and before I knew it, we were having a heated disagreement.
Peter, she’s our daughter! How are you even able to think this way? I yelled.
“I can’t control how I feel!” he retorted. “All I wanted was a child who resembled me!”
We spent what seemed like hours going back and forth. I was devastated and fatigued by the time Peter rushed out, slamming the door behind him. But while I sat there in the stillness, a thought started to come to me.
I grabbed my phone and called my mother. “Hey, Mom.” Do you have a couple days to watch Amelia? Peter has to learn a lesson from me.
Thank God, my mother didn’t ask a lot of questions. All she replied was, “Of course, honey.” Take her over as soon as you’re ready.
“Mom, thank you,” I moaned. “I swear, I’ll explain everything later.”
After Peter departed for work the following morning, I packed up Amelia’s belongings. While packing her small bag, I couldn’t help but reflect on Peter’s remarks. How was he not able to see her perfection?
With a sad heart, I traveled to my mother’s house. Mom hugged me after taking one glimpse at my face when I got there.
“Oh, honey,” she said. “What took place?”
That’s when I broke down and told her everything in tears. She listened with incredulity and rage.
When I was done, she mumbled, “That man.” “I should express my opinions to him.”
I answered, wiping my eyes, “No, Mom.” “I have a scheme in mind. Please just watch after Amelia for me.
She drew Amelia closer as she nodded. “I’m sure I will,” You take the necessary action.
It was tougher than I thought to leave Amelia. I gave her plump cheeks a kiss and breathed in her lovely newborn smell. I whispered, “Mommy loves you so much.” “Remember that always.”
I spent the day preparing myself for what was ahead once I came home. That night, my heart began to race as soon as I heard Peter’s key in the lock.
Entering, he scowled at the unexpected silence. “Nora? “Where is Amelia?”
I inhaled deeply. “I offered her for adoption.”
Peter had a pale face. How come? What topic are you discussing?
I responded in a firm voice, “Well, you said you wanted a more Nordic-looking child.” I so reasoned that we may try again. Perhaps this time, we’ll have the kid you desire—one with light skin and blue eyes.
“Are you crazy?” With frenzied eyes, Peter yelled. “Where is she now? Our daughter is missing. Where is she?
I watched as the situation’s realism set in. Peter collapsed onto the couch, his body trembling with tears as his legs gave way.
“How are you able to do this?” He choked to death. “I didn’t intend to… I’ve never desired…
I fell to my knees next to him as tears welled up in my own eyes. “What do you think Amelia would think knowing that her father didn’t like the way she looked?”
With a mask of agony on his face, Peter glanced up at me. “I truly apologize. I have been a complete moron. I promise that I adore Amelia. I was only… I’m not sure. Fearful? Ignorant? Both of them?
I inhaled deeply. “Amelia is staying with my mother. She is secure.
There was a noticeable relaxation on Peter’s face. Slumping into me, he sobbed even more. “Oh, I’m so grateful to God. I considered… I believed she was gone forever.
We spoke and cried together for a long while as we sat there on the floor. Peter spoke up about his worries about losing touch with his roots, disappointing his family, and not being able to connect with Amelia.
“But in the end, none of that matters,” he stated. She is our offspring. Nora, I adore her so much. It’s unbelievable that I let my foolish biases to stand in the way of that.
I wiped my tears and nodded. Peter, we have to improve. For the benefit of Amelia. She deserves to have parents who will always love and accept her.
You’re correct, Peter said. Can we go grab her now? Would you please? I have to hug her and see her.”
We were both immersed in our thoughts as we silently drove to my mom’s place. Peter virtually raced to the door when we arrived. Answering, my mother held Amelia.
Peter broke down in tears once more the instant he saw her. He embraced her and held her tight. “Baby girl, I’m so sorry,” he said. “Daddy adores you greatly. precisely as you are.
My mother gave me a perplexed look. “I’ll explain later,” I said in a mouthful, and she nodded while holding my hand.
***
Peter and I had a number of lengthy, difficult talks over the course of the following few weeks. We discussed our identities, the true meaning of family, and the types of parents we wished to become.
Peter once said, “I never realized how deep my biases ran.” “I’m embarrassed by my behavior.”
I grasped his hand. The willingness to adapt is what matters most.
Peter began studying the rich history and culture that Amelia would receive from both sides of her family and began to investigate my family’s ancestry. He even enrolled in language courses so that when Amelia grew older, he could teach her the original tongue of my family as well as Norwegian.
Not everything was simple. Even now, there were still times when Peter’s fears would show through or I would get a stab of rage recalling what he had said. But collectively, we managed to overcome it.
When I returned home one day, Peter and Amelia were lying on the floor with books all around them. “What is this whole thing?” I enquired.
Peter smiled as he glanced up. “We’re traveling the globe! Amelia should be aware of all the many cultures in the world, not just our own.
As I watched them interact, a sensation of warmth filled my chest. I had always dreamed Peter would be a parent like this.
Peter turned to face me one night while we were standing over Amelia’s cot, watching her sleep. Softly, he whispered, “Thank you.”
For what purpose? I enquired.
“For persevering with me. for showing me what’s important in life.” He grinned at our daughter from below. “She is flawless, isn’t she?”
I rested my head on his shoulder and experienced a wave of calm. Yes, I replied. “She is, really,”
We still had a long way to go, but I was reminded of this when I saw my husband softly pat our daughter on the face. However, I felt optimism for the first time in months. It was going to be all right. Collectively, the three of us.
What about Peter’s family? But that’s a tale for another day. Let’s just say, though, that they fell in love with Amelia just as fast as we did when we eventually got to meet her. Because love ultimately just sees the heart and cannot distinguish between colors.
How would you have responded in the situation?