In a moment of overwhelming pain and frustration, a man crosses a line he never imagined he would, shattering the fragile trust between him and the woman he loves. Haunted by his own past and desperate to make sense of his actions, he confronts the devastating consequences of a single, violent moment — a moment that threatens to define him forever.
Torn between guilt and self-loathing, he wrestles with the weight of his choices and the unbearable reality of their fractured relationship. Struggling to find a path forward, he questions whether love can survive the scars of betrayal, and whether forgiveness is possible when the wounds cut so deep.
Slapped my gf after I caught her cutting herself, again.
Dr. Lenore Walker, a leading expert on domestic violence, notes that physical aggression, regardless of the preceding provocation or the perpetrator’s self-perception, represents a critical breach of safety and often signals an escalation in abusive patterns. The statement, “I know I wasn’t right to hit her,” acknowledges the act, but the justification (“I lost it”) and comparison to self-inflicted harm (“If I were cutting myself I’d want someone to slap me”) demonstrate a significant failure to manage emotional regulation and understand appropriate boundaries.
The OP’s immediate motivation appears to be a combination of shock, guilt, and a desire for self-absolution, as evidenced by the need to distinguish between being an ‘asshole’ and a ‘bad person.’ This cognitive dissonance is common in situations where control is lost. Furthermore, the partner’s act of self-harm introduces a dynamic where the OP may feel burdened or responsible for managing severe mental illness, which is an inappropriate and unsustainable expectation for a romantic partner. Introducing physical violence into a situation already strained by mental health crises creates an extremely dangerous environment.
The OP’s actions were inappropriate because physical violence is never an acceptable response, especially in managing another person’s distress. For future situations, the constructive recommendation is immediate and complete separation, as the foundation of trust is broken by violence, and the OP has explicitly stated they do not feel equipped to handle the partner’s mental health needs. Professional, therapeutic intervention must be sought by both individuals independently, rather than attempting repair through the failed relationship structure.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
>Plus I don’t think I’m capable of dealing with all her mental health issues, she needs someone more experienced with this stuff. This. You did everything you can.
YTA for staying with her when you can’t deal with her
YTA for using a bunch of Redditors to justify your actions
The individual is struggling with the conflict between their violent reaction and their self-perception as a non-abusive person, complicated by the severe emotional distress demonstrated by their partner through self-harm. The central conflict involves the gravity of the physical assault versus the context of provocation and the existing pressure within the relationship due to mental health challenges.
Given the commission of physical violence and the acknowledged severity of the partner’s mental health struggles, is reconciliation possible or advisable, or should the priority be immediate separation for the safety and long-term well-being of both parties?
