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WIBTA if I told my sons school it is their responsibility to make sure they have the right child

by Emily Davis
April 17, 2026
in Aita, WIBTA
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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In a world where appearances often blur the lines between individuality and similarity, twin boys James and Ben navigate the delicate balance of being alike yet distinct. Though they share the same eyes, hair color, and school uniform, their personalities and quirks paint a vivid contrast—James with his neat, orderly nature and flowing wavy hair, Ben with his freckled, pale complexion and a constant smudge of ink and paint.

At school, their paths intertwine in shared classes and the quiet camaraderie of Chess Club, yet they remain separate worlds with different friends and passions. Despite their closeness in ability, they often drift apart, sometimes even mistaken for one another, highlighting the tender struggle of carving out their own unique identities amidst the inevitable comparisons of twinhood.

WIBTA if I told my sons school it is their responsibility to make sure they have the right child

I have twin sons (aged 11) who are not identical,...

Ben is more freckle-y and is noticeably paler. They have...

James tends to be very neat and tidy while Ben...

Cla*ses are split by ability but their scores are close...

Both go to Chess Club though that is the only...

They have, however, when asked, told me they do sometimes...

Both boys have permission to take medication in school due...

They use different medication and creams which is personal preference...

I have sent in the permission slips and meds and...

It states the instances of the boys being mixed up...

As such, she has asked me to ensure the boys...

It is up to the person administering the medication to...

They are 11 years old, they are more than capable...

I do understand the concern in terms of making sure...

Two twin boys are having a problem at school because they look very similar. Their mother wants the school to recognize them as two different people instead of just a pair.

The school wants the mother to change how the boys look so they do not give them the wrong medicine. This has caused a conflict about identity and safety at school.

Dr. Joan A. Friedman, an expert in twin psychology, says that twins need to be treated as individuals to help them develop a healthy sense of self. The school is asking the parent to change the boys’ appearance to make things easier for the staff. This request ignores the psychological needs of the children and places an unfair burden on the family to solve an administrative problem.

In any medical setting, safety depends on clear rules for identifying patients. Staff should always ask for a student’s name and check it against the records instead of just looking at them. The school is responsible for giving the correct medicine and should not rely on visual cues that can easily lead to mistakes.

The mother is making a good choice to protect her children’s identity. She should suggest that the school use photo identification cards or unique labels on the medicine bottles. This would keep the boys safe without forcing them to change their hair or clothes just to be distinguishable to others.

What do you think of this story?





AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.

tieflingteeth NTA

“Dear Nurse,

Thank you for your helpful suggestion, as requested I have made my sons easily distinguishable by assigning them different names 11 years ago.

Please feel free to ask each child their name before...

Kind regards, OP"

Also if your kids have any ID like a bus pass or official school notebook with their names on, you could suggest they bring these when going to get their meds.

techbear72 YWNBTA but phrase it as "the way to tell...

TiberiusTheFish I think it's reasonable for you to point out...

Syveril Don't argue. Just say you have distinguished them clearly....

YWNBTA, but I think you want to avoid being directly...

OldBroad1964 How to tell the boys apart: "what is your...

Pokeynono Surely at 11 the boys can identify themselves and...

Which the person should be able to check against the...

They are 11 not 2.

katie-kaboom How are you supposed to make your twin sons...

You WBNTA if you told them that it's their job...

The mother believes her sons should be respected as individuals and feels the school is trying to avoid its own duty to identify students correctly by asking her to change their appearance. She is frustrated that the institution sees her children as a single medical risk rather than two separate people with their own identities.

Should the school be required to improve its internal safety and verification protocols, or is it the parent’s responsibility to alter her children’s physical appearance for the convenience of the staff?

Emily Davis

Emily writes heartfelt stories about family, parenting, and personal growth.

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