A few months ago, my brother (28M) lost his job and all his savings. He asked if he and his wife (30F) could stay with me temporarily. I live in a small one-bedroom apartment, and while I hesitated at first, they said they had no other options. So I agreed and bought a blow-up mattress for the living room.
At first, it was tight but manageable. Then my brother complained about back pain and asked if he could get a small double bed for the living room. Since it’s the largest space in the apartment, I said yes, as long as there was still room for my couch, TV, and bookshelves. The living room is connected to the kitchen in an open-plan layout, so I also reminded him to leave walking space.
Now it’s gotten out of hand. I used to relax on the couch after work, but now whenever I enter the living room (I always knock), there’s this awkward vibe. My brother and his wife are usually lying in bed and stare at me like I’m intruding. Sometimes they even ask me directly to leave so they can have “alone time.”
Yesterday, my sister-in-law messaged me with a timetable she created, outlining when I’m allowed to use my own living room: one hour in the evening, and 20 minutes around meals. I shut it down immediately and told her there’s no way I’m following that — this is my apartment. She replied with a huge multi-paragraph message about how my presence is “ruining” their marriage and how they feel like they have no privacy.
When I came home later, both of them were giving me the silent treatment. Then today, an Amazon package arrived — it was a lock for the living room door. My brother told me he’s installing it, and I said absolutely not. He claimed it’s “creepy” that I want access to the space where they sleep, but I think it’s outrageous that he feels entitled to lock me out of my own living room.
I let them move in when they had nowhere else to go. Now they’re treating me like I’m invading their private suite — one they don’t pay for. So… AITA for refusing to give them the “privacy” they suddenly expect in my apartment?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
EvanWasHere said: NTA. You should never have let them bring in a bed. I had a coworker who lost his job and home, and I let him crash on my couch for a week or two. One day I came home and found he had dragged a mattress into my living room — no idea where it came from. Said his back hurt. I realized I was about to end up with an unwanted roommate, threw the mattress out, and gave him a week to move. Tell your brother you did him a favor, and they walked all over you. It’s a one-bedroom apartment and it will stay that way. You’re gone 12 hours a day — they can figure out their private time then, not when you’re home paying for the place. Move your stuff into your room and tell them to find their own place. If they try to install a lock, remove it. If they try to stop you, call the police. It’s your apartment — not theirs.
Jaded_Cryptographer said: NTA. They’re living rent-free in your one-bedroom apartment — which might even violate your lease — and want to limit you to one hour a day in your own living room? That’s absurd. If they’d asked for a couple hours of private time here and there, that would be reasonable. But expecting full control of the space all day is ridiculous. You’re being generous by letting them stay. Their marriage problems aren’t your responsibility.
porn4302 said: Lol just kick them out.
JackBauer74 said: r/choosingbeggars. They don’t get to dictate when you can use your own living room. If they have a problem with that, it’s time for them to leave.
OneTwoWee000 said: NTA. “Stare at me pointedly until I leave”? Nope! They’re choosing beggars you rescued from homelessness, and now they’re trying to control your space. Time to tell them it’s not working out. They need to make new arrangements. You have a tiny apartment and did your best — they need to move in with family or get a studio. F**k that noise.
pluralexistence said: NTA. They’re asking way too much. This is supposed to be a temporary favor, and it’s on them to be respectful guests. If I were them, I’d get up at a reasonable hour so you can comfortably use your space. Maybe sit in bed and read while you watch TV — nothing more. Being a good long-term guest means not making your host feel like a stranger in their own home. They’ve flipped the script. If you were keeping them up at 4am or something, I’d get it. But if you’re being respectful, you’ve already held up your end of the deal: a place to sleep.
lizzy_ said: NTA. You’ve already been more than accommodating. If this entitled behavior keeps up, it’s time to sit down and have a serious conversation about them moving out ASAP.
Deferon_VS said: INFO — are they even paying rent? Utilities? Groceries?
Baator said: YTA. You should just move out and give them the apartment. Let them have the privacy they so desperately need. Keep paying the rent too, and maybe in a couple of years you can politely ask if it’s okay to come back. Oh — and don’t forget to apologize for being “creepy” in your own home.
