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AITA For Repeatedly Blowing Out My Roommate’s Vigil Candle Whenever She Goes To Sleep?

by Ankit
September 16, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 5 mins read
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AITA For Repeatedly Blowing Out My Roommate’s Vigil Candle Whenever She Goes To Sleep?

So, my roommate's brother recently pa*sed away. It was obviously...

On (what I thought was) an unrelated note, she's been...

no matter how big or small, unattended, and always keep...

So, I get up a lot in the middle of...

and told me she was leaving them as a vigil...

We talked in circles about it a little bit, me...

In the end, she just shrugged and went to bed....

which, idk if I'm being paranoid, feels like she's doing...

Here's the thing, though, our house has, like, zero fire...

It's kinda freaking me out. I honestly don't know, am...

EDIT: Wow, I was not expecting this much of a...

I'm making my way through your comments now, I'll try...

EDIT #2: Oh shit, I made this post in a...

UPDATE: We just finished talking and she really likes the...

She's gonna comb them to make them look like those...

However, for those of you that said put them in...

the aesthetic looks very nice, but we did some research,...

it reacts to water like a grease fire and creates...

What do you think of this story?





THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.

mjr511 NTA - it is a difficult situation but I'd...

to watch them. Obviously this is a sensitive subject and...

Could the candle be positioned in such a way for...

smpbmp NTA. It's sad and she is mourning but how...

My neighbor left her candle burning while she showered and...

WholeLotOfChutzpah Her feelings are valid but being reckless is not...

It's not unreasonable to leave candles burning after someone has...

It's also not unreasonable to want this to be done...

Putting the candles inside some kind of pyrex dish? I...

llama_koalabear NTA. Vigil or not, that's a fire hazard.

Talk to her about remembering her brother some other way...

gufyduck This really comes down to the type of candle...

My dad was Jewish, and part of that is lighting...

When these were lit, they were kept in a safe...

MrMattFike and if they did they would be on tow...

Never leave a fire, of any size, burn unattended inside...

cautiousoptimzm NTA - I'm sure her brother would not want...

It's not safe to leave candles burning unattended.

She can go to a church and light candles or...

Imagine how her family would suffer if they lost her...

Arnold_Swollenmember ): NTA* Have you thought about suggesting those "real...

They are made of real wax but are battery operated...

martianmaiden NTA you should sit her down when she's not...

maybe see about getting an LED candle or something else...

Giraffe950 Jewish people leave memorial candles (yartzeit) burning four days...

We leave em in the kitchen sink when not around....

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people empathize with both sides of this situation. The roommate’s need to honor her brother’s memory through the candles is deeply understandable, especially during such a difficult time. At the same time, the concern for safety and the risk posed by unattended flames is valid and cannot be ignored. Several commenters suggested finding a compromise, like using flameless LED candles, which could preserve the sentimental value without the fire hazard.

In my opinion, this story highlights the delicate balance between respecting personal grief rituals and maintaining a safe living environment. Open communication and mutual respect are crucial here. While the candles symbolize love and remembrance, they shouldn’t come at the cost of potential danger. Finding a safer alternative might not only ease tensions but also honor the brother’s memory in a way that everyone can feel comfortable with.

Ankit

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