The original poster (OP), a 28-year-old woman, recently received a diagnosis of a serious, incurable, and degenerative hereditary illness. The core conflict arose from the revelation that her parents had been aware of this genetic risk, which runs in the paternal line, for her entire life but deliberately concealed this information from her.
When confronted, OP’s father avoided direct answers about his own status, while her mother defended the silence by claiming they wished to prevent OP from ‘living in fear.’ This deception is compounded by the fact that OP now fears for her 2-year-old son, who may also be at risk. OP is now struggling with intense anger and betrayal over the lost opportunity for early preparation and testing, posing the question of whether her decision to go low contact and refuse to keep their secret is justified.
AITA for calling my parents selfish for having me, knowing they’d pass down a hereditary illness, and going LC after they hid it, putting my child at risk too?
According to Dr. Sloane Bailey, a specialist in family dynamics and medical ethics, “The primary violation in cases of withheld hereditary information is the systematic removal of autonomous decision-making capacity from the affected individual over their entire lifespan.”
OP’s parents engaged in a pattern of paternalistic protection, a common but ultimately destructive mechanism where individuals make choices for others based on what they perceive as ‘best’ for them, often to alleviate their own discomfort or guilt. In this case, knowing the illness runs in the family, their decision to lie about the aunt’s death and withhold OP’s risk profile was not protection; it was risk management for themselves. This action stripped OP of crucial years to plan for a known, serious prognosis, and critically, removed the ability for proactive steps regarding her son’s health.
OP’s reaction—going low contact and refusing to lie to her siblings—is a justifiable response to this severe boundary violation. Her loyalty has rightfully shifted from protecting her parents’ secret to protecting the future health of her child and siblings. The path forward requires OP to maintain firm boundaries, prioritize her immediate family’s well-being, and seek supportive resources to process the trauma of this lifelong deception.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.
OP is experiencing profound emotional distress rooted in a deep sense of betrayal. Her parents’ decision to withhold critical medical information prioritized their own comfort over her future autonomy and health planning, including the health implications for her son. This fundamental breach of trust has created an irreconcilable conflict between OP’s belief in truthfulness and her parents’ desire to maintain their long-held secret.
The central debate revolves around the ethics of withholding life-altering medical information versus the desire to shield loved ones from potential fear. Should OP uphold her duty to inform her younger siblings about their genetic risks, even if it means permanently fracturing her relationship with her parents, or is there a scenario where silence might still serve a protective function for the wider family unit?
