The poster (OP) ended a relationship of under a year with her boyfriend after having to stop taking birth control pills for health reasons. During this time, the boyfriend assured her that he had undergone a vasectomy, meaning they did not need to use condoms for protection.
Shortly after the breakup, the OP realized she was late for her period. When the ex-boyfriend learned this, he admitted he never had the vasectomy and that there was a risk of pregnancy. The ex reacted strongly to the OP stating her intent to have an abortion if pregnant, insisting on marriage instead. The OP is now facing a confirmed or highly likely pregnancy and an insistent ex, leaving her questioning if she would be the a**hole for proceeding with the abortion.
WIBTAH for getting an abortion without my ex’s permission?
According to Dr. Amelia Vance, a specialist in relational ethics and autonomy, ‘The foundation of any shared decision, especially one involving fundamental bodily rights, must be built upon complete, honest disclosure. Deception invalidates the premise for subsequent claims of shared ownership over the outcome.’
The situation presents a clear conflict rooted in the ex-boyfriend’s significant act of deception by falsely claiming he had a vasectomy. This lie directly impacted the OP’s reproductive choices and safety. When the possibility of pregnancy arose, his immediate pivot was toward claiming rights (marriage, co-parenting) over a situation he helped create through dishonesty. The OP’s stated plan to terminate the pregnancy, made when she believed she was protected by his procedure, represents an exercise of her established bodily autonomy.
The ex-boyfriend’s insistence on marriage and blocking an abortion, particularly when operating under a false premise, demonstrates a severe lack of respect for the OP’s boundaries and pre-existing decisions. While the potential legal rights of a father in a restrictive state must be considered, ethically, the initial deception severely undermines his current position of authority. A path forward for the OP involves seeking legal counsel immediately regarding parental rights in her state while firmly prioritizing her health and previously communicated reproductive intentions.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The OP is caught between her prior, firmly stated decision regarding pregnancy termination and the intense, immediate expectations of her ex-boyfriend, who is pressuring her toward marriage and shared parenting based on his prior deception about his sterilization.
The core question revolves around whose autonomy prevails in this situation: the OP’s right to control her reproductive future as previously decided, or the ex-boyfriend’s newly asserted claim as a potential father, especially given the legal context of their location? The reader must decide: Would the OP be wrong to proceed with an abortion despite the ex’s demand for marriage and involvement?
