The Original Poster (OP), identified as Bear, visited a Starbucks on a slow Sunday morning with a friend named Matty. When ordering, the OP gave the name ‘Bear’ to the young employee. The employee, described as being in their low twenties, responded with a flirtatious comment asking if ‘Bear’ was the OP’s name or if the OP ‘WAS a Bear.’
The OP responded to the employee’s flirtation with an equally playful comeback. The OP’s friend, Matty, reacted strongly by telling the OP to ‘act your frikkin age’ because the employee was so much younger. This immediate pushback from the friend has caused the OP to question their own behavior, specifically wondering if being 68 years old makes flirting inappropriate or if they crossed a line into being an ‘asshole.’
AITA for flirting “at my age”.
As relationship expert and author Dr. Terri Orbuch notes, ‘Flirting is a way to signal interest and test the waters. When done respectfully, it can be a positive social lubricant, regardless of age.’
The situation described involves a brief, consensual micro-interaction that escalated only in the perception of the third party (Matty). The OP and the employee engaged in a mutual exchange of playful banter, which, in a low-stakes environment like a coffee shop line, generally falls within acceptable social norms for lighthearted engagement. The core issue here is not necessarily the act of flirting itself, but rather the imposition of external judgment based on the OP’s age. Matty’s reaction suggests an internalized ageism or a protective stance, viewing the interaction through a lens of potential exploitation, which the OP denies by stating the employee ‘started it.’
The OP’s actions were not inherently inappropriate; they were responding in kind to an opening provided by the service worker. To handle similar situations more constructively, the OP could benefit from recognizing that while they have the right to express themselves, external observers may project their own biases onto the situation. A better future approach might involve briefly acknowledging the friend’s concern without immediately accepting blame for ‘assholitude,’ perhaps stating, ‘It was just a joke, but I hear your concern,’ thereby validating the friend while maintaining self-trust regarding the intent of the interaction.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The central conflict revolves around the OP’s comfort with playful, reciprocal flirting, contrasted with the friend’s strong reaction based on the perceived age difference between the OP (68) and the young employee. The OP is now experiencing doubt regarding whether their actions, though seemingly harmless and mutual in the moment, were socially acceptable given their age.
Is the age gap of nearly five decades a significant factor that should prevent an older adult from engaging in brief, light-hearted banter with a younger person, or is the appropriateness of the interaction determined solely by mutual consent and the lack of negative intent? Should the OP prioritize self-expression through flirtation or adhere to societal expectations about age-appropriate behavior?
