I was furious when my spouse frivolously used our whole wedding budget to purchase a gown. Her contemptuous actions nearly drove me to tears. I therefore planned a memorable lesson that she would never forget. Some say I was being too harsh, but I think she needed this dose of reality. Was my response appropriate?
Hi to all of you. This is Mark, a 32-year-old newlywed. It’s supposed to be our greatest day ever, am I right? Well, because of my husband Elly’s impetuous $10K purchase, my wedding day turned into a financial disaster I’ll never get over. Get comfortable, because I’m about to tell you how our whole budget went toward one dress and how I created a honeymoon lesson Elly won’t soon forget.
This provides some background. We had planned a small, intimate wedding at a friend’s house for thirty people on a restricted budget.
We even picked up our wedding cake from Costco and made our own decorations. The middle ground? A lavish honeymoon.
I trusted Elly to choose her wedding gown. She gave me her word that it would be cheap. However, I found out she had spent $10,000 on it, almost completely depleting our funds. I was TAKING A SNAP.
Have you gone insane, Elly? I burst out when I learned. “We used that as our whole budget!”
“Mark, you’re exaggerating,” she shot back, casually examining her nails. It’s really a minor indulgence. On my wedding day, don’t I deserve to feel like royalty?
I gave her a nasty look. I shot back, cynicism heavy in my voice, “That’s ironic, coming from someone who hasn’t saved a dime for our wedding.”
Elly, however, stayed unmoved, unperturbed by the cash bomb she’d placed on a gown she would only wear once.
My single mother worked nonstop when I was growing up, saving every penny for my future. I started learning the value of money in this way, using my childhood savings.
It’s not like money just appears out of thin air, even with a respectable work these days, is it?
Elly was not fortunate growing up, just like me. She had to understand the value of frugal spending.
Her arrogant behavior enraged me. Our wedding didn’t feel like a celebration of our marriage, but rather more like a stage for her to perform.
She scoffed, “Mark, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” “It’s only a dress,” We’ll get by.
Organize? It was frustrating to watch the money vanish so fast because it had taken a lot of work to save it.
My wrath remained unwavering as the wedding drew closer. However, I was formulating a plan.
The wedding day came and went. We pulled off a respectable ceremony in spite of the financial hardship. I wasn’t done, though.
After the ceremony, we took off for our honeymoon in Miami. I smiled at Elly as I turned to leave.
“Love, thanks for the ride. See you in one week! I said, snatching my suitcase and slamming the car trunk.
Elly appeared perplexed. What is meant by “after a week”? Are we not traveling together?
As she pieced it together, panic struck.
“Do you still remember our budget talk?” I said so, in a chilly yet collected tone. You know what, your shopping binge didn’t leave much for one person to take advantage of the Miami heat. Who would you guess?
Elly’s shocked eyes widened. “Mark, this isn’t funny,” she spit out. “If this is carried out, my father will lose it.”
My jaw tightened. Is it now time for Daddy to take command? When you were going all out for that expensive dress, where was he? Our spending plan was set. You were aware of our agreement. Still, you had to have that dress, don’t you?
Elly became more assertive. “Are you really going to abandon me here? throughout our honeymoon?
“And you weren’t serious about using our savings?” I retorted, growing impatient. Elly, actions have repercussions. Perhaps this will cause you to reconsider.
Her rage was evident. “You’re a cruel person! You can’t simply abandon me here!
I draped my purse across my shoulder. Simply observe. This teaches us to be responsible with our money.
Elly begged me not to, but I was certain. I said my goodbyes and walked into the airport.
I could still hear her yelling as I passed security. “Mark! Return to this place!
As I settled into my seat, conflicting emotions raced through me. I thought this was a wake-up call for Elly to respect our financial plans, so part guilt, but mostly warranted.
When I took out my phone, I noticed her barrage of texts:
“How on earth did you do this to me?”
“I can’t believe you abandoned me at the airport!”
“My folks are furious!”
“Elly, I hope you understand my reasons,” I shot back. When I go back, we really need to talk.”
The week in Miami was… unique. I was full of guilt as I sat by the pool thinking about Elly and the future.
My mother called on the third day.
What were you thinking, Mark? With a tone full of concern and sadness, she asked.
I let out a breath. “You know the work that goes into that money, Mom. She need instruction.
“Is this the way you instruct her?” Mom interrupted. “By moving on after the wedding?”
Her remarks were powerful.
“Mom, what should I do?” Lost, I inquired.
She held back. “Mark, you really need to talk to her. not argue, nor assign blame. Simply speak.
The flight back seemed to go on forever. Elly was there when I got out of the airport, her eyes puffy and exhausted-looking.
“Hello,” I muttered as I walked up to her.
She opened the car quietly, and we made our way home in nervous silence.
Elly broke the silence once she got home. Was it worthwhile? to spoil our honeymoon in order to impart a lesson to me?
I took a deep breath. “Elly, we should speak.”
Tension was palpable in the air as we sat.
“I apologize,” I started. “It was immature and harsh to leave you.”
Elly started crying. Do you have any idea how ashamed I felt? abandoned at the airport while you were gone?
I extended my hand, but she pulled away.
“I comprehend,” I replied. And I regret it so much. Can you understand, though, Elly, why I was so furious over the dress?
She wiped away tears. “Because the price was high?”
“It goes beyond the price,” I explained. It all comes down to trust and group decision-making. You disregarded our idea without talking to me first.
After a little silence, Elly whispered gently. “I’ve never given money the kind of thought you do. If we wanted anything in my family, we just got it, even with credit.
I gave a nod. “I understand. I also ought to have been more explicit about my financial beliefs. But Elly, let’s work together on this. Mutual decision-making is ideal.
Her eyes met mine, tears still in her eyes. “I see that now. However, Mark, what you did really upset me.
“I understand,” I said, realizing the seriousness of what I had done. And if you’ll let it, I promise to make apologies for as long as we’re together.
Elly held out her hand. “I assume we both made mistakes?”
I took hold of her hand. Indeed, we did. But surely we can learn?
In the weeks that followed, Elly and I had lengthy conversations regarding money, trust, and our future together. We started a joint account, created a budget, and agreed to talk things over before making big purchases.
One evening, Elly caught a glimpse of her bridal gown hanging nearby while we went over our budget. She started off by saying, “You know, I’ve been thinking about my wedding dress.”
I stiffened, expecting trouble. “How about it?”
She gestured to the outfit with a kind grin. “I’m thinking of selling it. The money raised might go toward a nice honeymoon—this time, shared.”
I felt a wave of affection and relief. “Are you positive? I am aware of how much that clothing meant to you.
Elly grasped my hand. Not to the extent that you do to me. Furthermore, our marriage lasts longer than a single day, right?
I gave her a hug, thinking maybe we were headed toward a conclusion.
It wasn’t just about the money or the dress in the end. It had to do with cooperation and trust. I wanted Elly to understand that shared obligations and respect are the cornerstones of a marriage. And occasionally, to get the point across, harsh means are required. What are everyone’s thoughts?