When a camera was aimed at my backyard by my new neighbors, I knew something had to be done. A simple plan to teach kids about privacy swiftly spiraled out of control into a bizarre performance that caught the attention of the local authorities and had unintended consequences.
Life has a tendency of catching you off guard. I never would have thought that humiliating my nosy neighbors would be my amateur acting ambition.
When Frank and Carla moved in next door, it was the beginning. They appeared really great at first, albeit a little… odd.
“Welcome to the neighborhood,” I said, and I gave them a basket full of tomatoes from my garden. “My name is Zoe.”
Carla’s eyes darted about in fear. “I’m appreciative. Our main concern is security. Do you understand what I mean?
If I didn’t, I nodded nevertheless. I had no clue what I would be getting into with it.
***
A week later, I returned from seeing my mom and saw something shocking in my backyard. I was tending to my beloved tomatoes while lounging in my bikini when I noticed a little black object under their house’s eaves.
“Is that a camera?” I whispered as I stared at it. My blood ran cold as I saw it was pointed directly at my yard.
I strode to their house while still wearing my swimming suit and knocked on the door. Frank looked annoyed as he answered.
“Why is my yard the target of a camera?” I persisted.
He shrugged his shoulders. It fulfills a security function. We have to make sure that no one climbs the fence.
“It’s ridiculous,” I stumbled. You’re violating my personal space!
Carla materialized behind him. “We have the right to protect our possessions,” she coldly retorted.
Enraged, I turned to go. I could have filed a lawsuit against them, but who has the time or money for that? No, I needed a different approach.
I then called my buddies.
“Samantha, I need your help,” I said. “What say you to a little bit of… performance art?”
She laughed. This is fascinating to me. Give me further details.
I presented my plan, and soon the whole team was on board. Miguel, our resident special effects guru, and Harriet, who has never been uninterested in a costume.
As we worked through our options, I wondered whether I was pushing it too far. Are we certain about this, guys? I asked during our most recent meeting.
Samantha put her hand on my shoulder. “Zoe, they’ve been observing you for weeks. They are gonna be taught a lesson.
Miguel nodded. Plus, it will be fun! When was the last time we behaved in such an odd way?
Harriet grinned. “I’ve already started putting the clothes together. There’s no going back from here!
I became enthused with them and began to mistrust myself. “All right, let’s get started.”
The next Saturday, we gathered on my yard, all decked up in the most ridiculous outfit combinations. I had on a neon green wig and a tutu over my scuba suit.
“Are you set for the century’s biggest garden party?” I grinned.
Samantha’s spacesuit jerked. “Let’s put on a show those creeps won’t soon forget.”
We started off with typical party activities—that is, if you can call anything typical while you’re trying to pass like circus escapees. We made care to stay in the camera’s field of vision as we danced and engaged in gaming.
“Hi Zoe!” Miguel cried out, his pirate cap off. “How is your mother faring?”
I smiled, thinking about my recent visit. “She is capable. Remaining persistent in her endeavor to present me to her friend’s son.
Harriet laughed and waved her Red Riding Hood cloak. “A customary mother gesture. Have you talked to her about the camera issue?
I shook my head. I mean, I didn’t want to spook her. Most likely, she would come over here by herself and ignore them.
“To be honest, it could have been entertaining to watch,” Samantha said.
We all laughed as we saw my tough mother facing Carla and Frank. But the big event was about to come.
“Oh no!” I yelled and pointed at Samantha. “She was stabbed,”
Miguel flashed a rubber knife smeared in ketchup. “Arrr, she was going to get it!”
With ketchup “blood” streaming down her sides, Samantha collapsed hard. We all started fighting and running around scared.
“Do we need to call the police?” Harriet screamed and hopped about, her cloak fluttering.
“No, the body needs to be hidden!” In reply, I shouted.
At that moment, we heard sirens in the distance.
It’s show time, I whispered. “Everyone in, hurry up!”
We quickly brought Samantha inside, wiped off the ketchup, and put on our regular clothes. The cops arrived at my home as we were sitting at the dining table, appearing fairly innocent.
“Is everything alright here?” the officer said, his expression bewildered.
I put on my prettiest mask of a troubled citizen. Of course, officer. Is anything wrong?
She made it clear that they had been informed of a serious crime that had taken place here. I forced myself to seem astonished before letting “realization” seep into my face.
“Oh! We were simply performing improv in the garden, so it must have been rather realistic, I said.
The policeman grimaced. How could anyone see what was in your backyard? The fences are rather high.
I let out a long sigh. That is the real problem at hand, officer. My backyard is the focus of a neighbor’s camera. I have not granted them permission to videotape me.
Her eyebrows lifted. Is that correct? I think we ought to talk to your neighbors.
We watched from my window as the cops moved in next door. Carla and Frank looked worried as they were questioned.
An hour later, the policeman returned. “Ma’am, it seems that your neighbors have been surveilling you in covertly. They will face legal action, and their equipment has been confiscated. Could you please make a statement?
I did my best to look shocked. It’s terrible! I had no idea it was so large. On the other hand, I will surely make a statement and testify in court if necessary.
The cops left, and my friends and I celebrated our victory.
“It’s amazing that it worked!” Samantha laughed.
Miguel raised his goblet. “To Zoe, the vengeful master!”
I grinned, but something was bothering me. “Do you believe we overreached?”
Harriet shook her head. They had their privacy infringed. They received what was rightfully theirs.
***
The next day I was back in my yard, soaking in the sun without worrying about passersby. While I took care of my tomatoes, I witnessed Carla and Frank depart their house with their bags in hand.
For a time, I felt awful, but then I remembered all the tapes they had of me. No, they knew what needed to be done. I only assisted them in handling the consequences.
I picked out a ripe tomato, grinning to myself. Sometimes, the best way to deal with nosy neighbors is not to go via the legal system, but rather to use some creative problem-solving strategies.
Hey, at least I now know that I have a career in community theater if gardening doesn’t work out.
“So, what’s up with Carla and Frank?” A week later, Samantha invited me out to coffee.
I shook my head. Not really, though. They departed, and the cops haven’t gotten back to me yet. Maybe they decided not to press charges after all. Even so, I can’t claim to miss them.
Samantha smiled. “I’m sure they would reconsider installing cameras at this point.”
“Yes,” I answered, halting briefly. “You know, I’m not sure if we ought to be upset. We definitely turned things around on them completely.
Samantha raised an eyebrow. “Zoe, they were the ones breaking the law. All we did was reveal them.
I nodded, but the feeling of shame persisted. “I know, I know, that. Put plainly… Their look of terror when the police came is something I can’t help but notice.
“Hey, do you remember how violated you felt when you saw that camera?” Samantha leaned over and said. How furious did you get? That was the torture you endured for weeks.
I let out a breath. “You’re right. I guess I’m just not used to being the “bad guy.”
She laughed. I assure you that you are not the bad person in this scenario. The hero, you are the one who saved herself.
Later that day, as I was watering my tomatoes, I saw a moving truck pulling up to Carla and Frank’s house. A young couple came out looking quite excited.
I watched them unload boxes while they laughed and spoke. A part of me wanted to walk up to them and introduce myself, maybe let them know about the previous tenants. But I was also kind of ready to let go.
As I turned back to my garden, I made up my mind. I would set my prejudices and presumptions aside and give these new neighbors an opportunity. But I would also be on the lookout. After all, you never know when you might require another garden party.
In the scenario, how would you have handled things?