A college professor, yearning for simple respect and recognition, finds herself caught in a frustrating loop with a student who refuses to honor her wishes. Despite clear requests to be called by her preferred names, the student persistently insists on addressing her as “Professor,” a title she deliberately avoids, igniting a quiet but growing tension in the classroom.
In response to his disregard, she subtly mirrors his behavior, calling him “student” instead of his name, turning the tables in a delicate dance of respect and boundaries. This unfolding struggle reveals the deeper yearning for acknowledgment and the silent battles fought in everyday interactions.
AITA for calling my student “student” because he refuses to stop calling me “Professor”?
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” This situation highlights a direct clash over personal boundaries within a professional relationship, where the student is consistently disregarding the professor’s explicit request regarding personal identity and address.
The student’s motivation for repeatedly using “Professor” is ambiguous—it could stem from deep-seated cultural deference, genuine forgetfulness, or passive resistance to authority. Regardless of intent, the behavior constitutes a persistent boundary violation. The professor’s initial responses were appropriate, but when those failed, shifting to addressing the student as “student” escalated the situation from a simple request into a power struggle. While emotionally understandable given the repeated disregard for her wishes, this retaliatory tactic introduces unprofessionalism and risks reversing the dynamic of accountability.
From a professional standpoint, the professor’s actions are likely inappropriate because they shift the focus from the student’s non-compliance to the professor’s potentially punitive response, which can be cited by the student as harassment. A more effective approach would involve one final, formal, documented communication (perhaps via email) clearly stating that continued use of “Professor” after multiple warnings will result in a mandatory meeting during office hours to discuss professional conduct expectations, rather than immediately resorting to personal address changes.
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The core conflict revolves around the professor’s clearly stated preference for a specific form of address (“Jane” or “Mrs. Smith”) versus the student’s persistent refusal to comply, choosing instead the formal title “Professor.”
Is the professor justified in using the impersonal term “student” as a form of pushback against repeated boundary violations, or does this tactic cross a professional line and expose the professor to undue risk?
