Twelve years of love and loss have shaped a woman’s heart in ways words can hardly capture. After the devastating loss of their daughter Belle, the fragile threads of their marriage were tested by betrayal and grief, only to be woven again with forgiveness and a new, complicated love for Zoe — a child born from pain but embraced with a mother’s unwavering devotion.
Yet beneath the surface of this fragile peace lies a silent struggle, as the echoes of the past haunt every tender moment. Zoe’s resemblance to her lost mother stirs deep wounds, and intimacy remains a fragile bridge slowly being rebuilt. In the quiet hope of new beginnings, the couple stands at the crossroads of healing and longing, yearning to reclaim the future they once dreamed of together.
WIBTA if lie to my husband about having a miscarriage when in reality I’ll be getting an abortion?
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” In this situation, the OP’s primary struggle involves established boundaries—or the lack thereof—stemming from past trauma. The affair and the subsequent adoption of Zoe created a foundation built on forgiveness but layered with unresolved triggers, specifically regarding Zoe’s resemblance to the biological mother. The current pregnancy, conceived accidentally while the OP was actively taking birth control, reveals that her subconscious desire for control or separation may have been present, even before the reconnection with her ex.
The OP’s emotional disconnect from the current pregnancy and the vivid dream serve as powerful indicators of her emotional withdrawal from the marriage itself. Her focus is now heavily shifted toward the possibility of a future with her ex, suggesting that the perceived healing effect the family placed on the new baby was misplaced, as the underlying marital issues remain unaddressed. While the impulse to avoid devastating her husband is rooted in compassion, lying about a miscarriage to cover an abortion solidifies a relationship based on a significant, manufactured event. This deception prevents genuine closure for both parties.
From a professional standpoint, while the OP’s desire to leave is valid given her feelings, deception regarding an abortion and miscarriage is highly destructive to any future amicable separation or co-parenting structure, even if divorce is intended. A more constructive approach would involve initiating honest conversations about marital dissatisfaction and the need for separation now, before the pregnancy progresses further. This allows the husband to process the reality of the relationship ending, rather than layering the truth of the divorce on top of a lie about the pregnancy itself.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
The original poster is facing a profound personal conflict, torn between maintaining a painful marriage under false pretenses and seeking personal truth through separation and abortion. Her decision to secretly conceive while using contraception, followed by the realization that she no longer desires a future with her husband, places her in a difficult ethical position regarding honesty versus inflicting pain.
The core debate centers on whether lying to her husband about a miscarriage to facilitate a planned abortion and subsequent divorce is justifiable to protect his immediate feelings, or if this deception constitutes a greater betrayal of their long-standing commitment, making immediate truth the only ethical path forward.
