From the very beginning, a child lived in the shadow of a man whose love was a weapon, his cruelty a constant torment. This father, a textbook narcissist, shattered innocence with mental games and fear, leaving scars that ran deep into the soul. The child’s world was one of anxiety and despair, where even the voice on the phone twisted hope into heartbreak.
Yet, amidst the darkness, a fierce resilience burned quietly. Through years of pain and manipulation, the child sought understanding and strength, refusing to be broken by the harshness of a love that never was. This is a story of survival, a testament to the unyielding spirit that rises from the ashes of abuse.
For telling my mom that if she gets back with my dad she is no longer going to be able to contact my kids?
Dr. Karyl McBride, author of “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers,” notes that establishing boundaries is a critical step in recovery from narcissistic abuse, stating, ‘Boundaries are necessary for survival when you are dealing with a narcissist.’
The poster exhibits classic signs of responding to prolonged narcissistic abuse, including hypervigilance, anxiety, and the necessary development of extensive psychological knowledge (self-study) to cope with the father’s manipulative tactics (e.g., lying about the mother’s death, using financial gifts to placate, and boundary violations regarding sexual autonomy). The poster’s action to cut off contact years ago was a necessary self-preservation strategy. The current ultimatum, which involves the mother, introduces a complex dynamic concerning triangulation and enabling.
The poster’s primary motivation is sound: breaking the intergenerational transmission of trauma, specifically preventing their children from experiencing the same abuse they endured. The boundary concerning the mother’s relationship is a robust application of self-protection. While such ultimatums can strain familial relationships, when dealing with a high-conflict individual like a textbook narcissist, clear, non-negotiable consequences are often the only effective method of boundary enforcement. A more constructive approach might involve framing the boundary less as an ‘ultimatum’ and more as a ‘statement of necessary self-protection’ to the mother, emphasizing that the poster cannot manage the emotional fallout if the father is reintroduced into the household environment.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The individual established a firm boundary to protect themselves and their children from repeated exposure to severe, long-term parental abuse rooted in narcissism. This action directly challenges the expectation that a child must maintain contact with an abusive parent, prioritizing the mental health of the current family unit over filial obligation to the father.
Is the decision to enforce an ultimatum—that the mother’s potential reconciliation with the abusive father will end the relationship between the mother and the poster—justified as a necessary measure to break a generational cycle of trauma, or does it represent an unfair demand placed upon the mother’s personal choices regarding her relationship with her ex-husband?
