In a world where appearances often dictate worth, a 17-year-old girl grapples with her own insecurities under the shadow of a lifelong struggle with 4n4. When she befriends Mary, a girl who defies societal beauty standards and carries the weight of her own battles, their connection becomes a complex dance of empathy, judgment, and silent motivation.
Beneath the surface of their friendship lies a turbulent mix of compassion and unspoken resentment, as the narrator uses Mary’s struggles as a mirror to push herself toward extreme measures. This raw and emotional story reveals the fragile line between support and self-destruction, questioning who truly holds the power in relationships marked by pain and vulnerability.
aita for befriending someone simply bc they are plus sized and unattractive and i want to use them as motivation
According to Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor known for her work on vulnerability and shame, ‘Imperfections are not a development—they are a development. When we stop being afraid of what others might think, we are able to embrace our authentic selves.’ While the poster (OP) is not directly shaming Mary aloud, basing a personal motivation system on another person’s body image and perceived failings relies on internalizing shame and judgment, which often undermines genuine connection.
The primary motivation described—using Mary’s weight as a catalyst for extreme personal restriction (a 5-day fast)—suggests a pattern of externalizing internal self-control issues. By focusing on Mary’s body, the OP avoids directly confronting the source of their own need for stringent dietary control. This dynamic shifts the relationship from one of mutual support to one of utilitarian comparison, where Mary is subconsciously valued only for her utility as a negative example.
While the OP has not verbally insulted Mary, the internal monologue and the use of the friendship as a motivational tool constitute a breach of relational trust, even if only for the OP. A constructive recommendation is for the OP to separate their personal health goals entirely from their social relationships. Focusing on intrinsic motivation—such as setting achievable, health-based goals independent of another person’s appearance—will lead to more sustainable outcomes and allow for authentic, non-transactional friendships.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.
The individual’s internal struggle centers on using a friend’s perceived struggle with weight as a sole source of personal motivation for restrictive dieting, creating a significant conflict between their private judgments and their outward friendly behavior.
Is it ethically acceptable to maintain a close friendship primarily as a means to enforce a personal health goal, even if the friend remains unaware of this transactional dynamic, or does this motivation inherently invalidate the friendship?
