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AITA for not doing more to help my son after he was caught running online scams?

by Jane Smith
January 2, 2026
in Advice, Aita
Reading Time: 5 mins read
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A mother’s world shatters when the son she raised is unmasked not as a victim, but as a predator preying on the most vulnerable. Her 20-year-old, once a hopeful college student, is now a cautionary tale of betrayal—using charm and deceit to rob the elderly, leaving a trail of broken trust and shattered lives in his wake.

The nightmare spirals further as the law closes in, their crimes exposed by the very hands meant to protect. The chilling reality of federal charges looms, revealing just how close they came to irreversible consequences. Amid the chaos, a mother grapples with fear, guilt, and the desperate need for perspective in a story no parent ever wants to tell.

AITA for not doing more to help my son after he was caught running online scams?

My (44F) 20-year-old son was arrested last month for running...

He and his college buddies were pretending to be tech...

" Their operation ended when they targeted someone whose daughter...

Records on his laptop showed dozens of victims, and he...

I drained my savings to get him a better lawyer,...

living expenses, and spending money; he never needed a job...

he is furious because I refuse to take out a...

" He insists I am not doing enough and that...

The thousands he stole from vulnerable seniors were used for...

I am at a loss regarding how to handle this...

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist known for her work on boundaries and family dynamics, often emphasizes that true love within a family system requires establishing firm, non-negotiable boundaries, especially when adult children engage in harmful or destructive behavior. The mother’s current dilemma is a classic manifestation of enmeshment, where her identity and actions are unduly tied to solving her son’s self-created crises.

The son’s reaction—demanding a second mortgage and expressing fury that his mother is not fully sacrificing for him—indicates a severe lack of accountability and a sense of entitlement rooted in years of permissive parenting, as evidenced by his lack of need to work despite being fully supported. His criminal behavior targeting the elderly, while exploiting them for luxury goods, shows a profound disregard for ethics and empathy. The mother’s initial support (paying tuition, providing housing) inadvertently created an environment where he did not learn the intrinsic value of money or the real-world cost of his choices.

The mother’s action of draining savings for a better lawyer was appropriate to ensure competent counsel, but capitulating to the demand for a second mortgage would be detrimental. The constructive recommendation is for the mother to clearly define her financial limit—which should be zero new debt—and communicate this boundary firmly. She must shift from being his financial savior to supporting him through the legal consequences, perhaps by offering to pay for counseling once he accepts his plea, thereby prioritizing his moral rehabilitation over his immediate comfort.

What do you think of this story?





HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.

NJL420xxx Of course you're not, time for him to face...

He wasn't sorry when he was stealing from old and...

AgeRevolutionary3907 YTA, but not for "not helping him more". YTA...

This is a person that without any need decided to...

He doesn't deserve an iota of your help, he deserves...

but another part thinks he needs to face the consequences...

you just can't seem to realize that him facing consequences...

Cause living without consequences led him to literally take the...

Live-Ice7323 NTA. He knew it was wrong and FAFO. Let...

If he has a clean record, prison time is very...

If you bail him out now then be prepared for...

TararaBoomDA >I've already drained my savings to get him a...

Accidental_Sage and you aren't helping your son by doing it...

He did it for fun, luxury, and status. You worked...

Now he wants you to sacrifice even more so he...

*That's not your mess to clean up*. Stop paying for...

Then he's a lost cause; *and that's on him, not...

Crybogan He needs to be held accountable for what he...

Tall_Acanthaceae2475 "What terrifies me is how close he came to...

" What would terrify me is that I raised a...

The mother finds herself caught between her deep parental love and the moral gravity of her 20-year-old son’s criminal actions against vulnerable seniors. Her conflict intensifies as her son demands she sacrifice her financial security, essentially continuing to enable his irresponsible behavior, rather than accepting accountability for the state fraud charges he currently faces.

Should the mother prioritize her son’s desire for an expensive, high-risk legal defense that requires further financial ruin, or is her primary responsibility now to protect her own long-term stability while ensuring her son faces the necessary consequences for victimizing the elderly?

Jane Smith

Jane loves exploring new cultures and writing about travel and lifestyle.

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