My husband Jared and I have been married for three years. He’s been unemployed for the last six months after getting into a fight with a coworker at his previous high-paying job. Since then, I’ve been the one covering rent, utilities, and everything else — while also keeping his unemployment a secret from his family because he was too embarrassed to tell them, especially his mother. He asked me to keep it quiet, and I respected that.
We regularly visit his family, and during our most recent dinner together, things took a turn.
His cousin brought up how his fiancée was planning to fly to Brazil for a boob job. Jared responded with way too much enthusiasm, complimenting her chest and saying he didn’t understand why she needed surgery when “they’re already perfect.”
Then, with everyone at the table, he turned to me — stared at my chest while I was mid-bite — and said, “Why don’t YOU get a boob job? You’re the one who needs it the most.”
The whole table froze. His mom gasped. I was humiliated — I’ve always been insecure about my flat chest, and he knows that. But instead of crying, I calmly looked at him and said:
“Sure. I’ll get a boob job — right after YOU get an ACTUAL job, since you’ve been unemployed for six months.”
You could hear a pin drop.
His mother immediately started grilling him. At first, he tried to lie his way out, but eventually, he admitted it. The mood instantly shifted — from dinner to disaster. His family was shocked and angry, not just about the unemployment, but the fact that he hid it for so long. Jared couldn’t handle the shame and stormed out to sit in the car for the rest of the evening.
When I finally joined him, he exploded. He yelled at me for “not holding my effing tongue” and accused me of turning his whole family against him. According to him, they’re now judging and shunning him, and it’s all my fault. He insisted that his comment about my chest was meant as “support” — that he just wants me to look good and feel better about myself — and that I intentionally humiliated him in return.
He dropped me off at home and went to crash at a friend’s place. I tried calling later, hoping to clear the air, but his buddy answered and told me Jared doesn’t want to speak to me and “needs space.”
So, Reddit — AITA for clapping back the way I did? Or did he get what he deserved?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
ColloidalSylver said: Let me get this straight. You have been keeping a roof over your heads, paying for this man’s life, lying to protect his ego, and he sat there and insulted you over a known insecurity not just to your face, but in front of his family? I am somehow not shocked he lost his last job over conflict with someone else. NTA. Divorce him and, if you want new boobs for yourself, buy them with the divorce settlement, but either way you definitely need a d**k reduction procedure.
eugenesnewdream said: NTA whatsoever. He fucked around and he found out. You should give him space. Permanent space, away from you.
tinyjacks said: Girl, NTA. Call him back and tell his friends they can come pick up his stuff. He’s not paying for rent anyway. You’re perfect the way you are and instead need someone that sees you for you.
not3catsintrenchcoat said: You were just encouraging him to get a job :). NTA. Edit: gosh thanks for the awards you guys. Please have a beautiful day!
QuackLikeMe said: Oh NTA. He seriously thinks he was just “giving you advice” by telling you to go get a boob job??? You’ve been supporting his dead weight for six months because he’s ashamed of being out of work and couldn’t control his temper at work, now he’s embarrassing you in front of his family and trying to pressure you into plastic surgery so you’ll “look pretty.” Let him stay with his friend. Someone else can support his insensitive, deadbeat ass for a while.
notAgirl77 said: Get a divorce.
Number5MoMo said: NTA. Why do you want to be with someone who: 1. Would fight with someone at his workplace and lose his job 2. Lie to his family about being unemployed. 3. Is ungrateful and oblivious to you literally caring for him and keeping a roof over his head. 4. Thinks you’ll be more attractive with surgery. 5. Knows your insecurities and exposed them to his family without the slightest bit of regard for your feelings. 6. Angry at you for not keeping up with his lies. 7. Could make you feel like you’re supposed to be okay with being insulted. 8. Can’t properly discuss a problem he caused, so he runs away to his friends… 9. Makes you feel like you need to get justified on a website because he’s gaslighted you into thinking you were wrong. NTA. This was a very short post but the flags are waving sis.
JustASW said: Seriously? This is not a man who’s worth a damn. He wants you to keep his unemployment a secret, to protect his ego, tears you down (again, likely to make himself feel better whilst you are covering everything) and when you don’t stand for it, tried to frame his insult as “advice” and takes off, acting as the injured party. Change the locks. I mean it. It gets no better from here.. NTA.
[Reddit User] said: NTA. Lol poor little baby can’t take what he dishes out? Also the fact that he thought what he was saying was “out of support and encouragement” — run girl, run!!
