My sister got pregnant right out of high school, married her boyfriend the following year, and since then, she’s had another baby every year or two. Now, at 24, she has four kids. She was brilliant and had the potential to get a scholarship to a great university, but she’s chosen to be a stay-at-home mom.
Because her kids are the only grandkids, our parents treat her like she’s some kind of miracle. They gush over every new tooth or haircut like it’s a massive achievement. The problem is, her husband’s business was struggling even before COVID, and now it’s barely surviving. My sister doesn’t work, and my parents have limited income.
So guess who keeps getting asked to “lend” money for things like school fees, car seats, car payments, strollers—you name it. They don’t even ask nicely; my mom just texts me, “Your sister needs $X.XX for the kids,” and expects me to cough it up. When I complain, they accuse me of being jealous because I’m older (26) but don’t have a husband or kids.
Over Easter, I noticed my sister wasn’t drinking, and I immediately suspected what was coming. Sure enough, she announced she’s pregnant again. Everyone started gushing, and I just tried to stay quiet and out of the way.
Later, she asked if I was okay. I tried to brush it off, but she pressed me, so I asked if she and her husband could really afford another child. She snapped back, “God will provide like He has so far,” which pissed me off. I yelled, “No, God didn’t provide—I did,” and told them I wasn’t giving any more handouts.
That sparked a huge argument with shouting, and now I’m basically banned from my family unless I apologize. I haven’t apologized.
It’s been total silence except for one text from my mom blaming me if my sister miscarries from stress. I asked if my sister was showing any symptoms, but no one will tell me anything.
I don’t think I’m the asshole, but I worry about causing harm. At the same time, I secretly think it might be better if she did miscarry, even though I’d never say that to her.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
kiwii82 said: NTA. Next time your mom texts you asking for money for your sister, just say, “No, sister said God will provide, so I’m giving Him a turn.”
Forward_Squirrel8879 said: NTA. You’re not an AH or an ATM. You don’t owe anyone an apology. But if you want to keep the peace, you could say something like: “I’m sorry I didn’t react well to your news. It’s your decision how to grow your family, and if you’re happy, I’m happy for you. But I can no longer provide financial support. I feel you’ve been taking advantage of my generosity. If forgiveness or a place in this family depends on me paying for your kids, maybe we all need some space.”
ForkAKnife said: NTA. They did you a favor by cutting you off. You owe them nothing. Don’t give them anything.
DuckinMyHeart said: NTA. Stop giving her money and block these entitled people. Enjoy the family ban — seriously, it’ll be cheaper and less stressful. If they contact you again for money, just say no. If you know how much you’ve already given, tell them, “I’ve already given sister $X, I’m done. If you want to help, go ahead.”
Able_Dress1678 said: NTA. When your mom calls for money, just reply, “God will provide,” and hang up.
kokitrees said: NTA. If you can’t afford the kids you have, don’t keep having more. It’s cruel and selfish.
Edit: Thanks for the awards, strangers!
Evilbadscary said: NTA. Unless your sister has a health condition, arguing won’t cause a miscarriage. The “don’t stress a pregnant woman” thing drives me nuts. As a former pregnant woman, stress is just one small part of it. Your sister and baby will be fine unless there are other issues. You have zero obligation to support them. They made those babies; they need to care for them.
Oliviarose85 said: NTA. Silence is probably best now because there was a lot of nonsense from them. It’s common for people to have kids they can’t afford and guilt family into supporting them. It’s easier to guilt family than get a job. Your sister pushed you into being honest, and you gave her the truth. There’s nothing wrong with that.
You’re expected to pay for kids she keeps having, and it’s reasonable to cut her off after she showed no gratitude. Her stress is on her because she asked for honesty and pushed for it. If you can’t say what’s on your mind, that’s on her. Your mom texts you about her expenses without realizing how much she’s asking. Now that you’re done paying, guess who she’ll turn to?
Your mom won’t admit how much she asked for, but she’ll feel it. Check your messages and bank statements to find how much you gave over the year. When your mom asks if you’re ready to apologize, hit her with that number and say you’re only sorry you didn’t stand up sooner.
MyMalamuteisNuts said: NTA. Stay silent. If they complain, say, “Sis said God will provide, so who am I to stand in God’s way?” You’re better off without them. They need you more than you need them.
Hope you have good friends for support because right now, with your family, you’re Atlas holding up the world. It’s not fair you support them all.
tialaila said: NTA. Do these people not know about birth control?
