I’m a 45-year-old mom with two teenagers: a 14-year-old son and a 17-year-old daughter. My son is on the autism spectrum (high functioning), and while it’s not always noticeable, it tends to affect things like empathy and understanding others’ needs in daily life. One consistent issue we’ve had with him is food — he eats a lot. Much more than what’s typical for a boy his age.
He’s not overweight, and our doctor hasn’t flagged it as a medical concern, but it does cause friction in the house — especially when we order food to share.
For years now, we’ve had to remind him that when we order something like pizza, it’s not just for him — it’s for everyone. Despite repeated conversations, he usually gives us a quick “sorry” and then does it again. We’ve also brought this up in therapy, and we’re actively working on it.
This past Friday, my daughter had to work after school, so she drove herself there. My son took the bus home. He told me he was hungry, so I ordered a large pizza and told him very clearly to save some slices for his dad and sister. I took just one slice myself.
Typically, my daughter eats only 1–2 slices, and my husband the same, which would’ve left at least 5 slices for my son — more than enough, I thought.
A couple of hours later, my daughter got home. She went to grab a slice, opened the box, and found it completely empty. She immediately burst into tears. And she’s not one to cry or complain over food. But she’d had no time to eat before work that day, and at school she had to make up a test during lunch, so she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. That pizza was what she was counting on.
I was absolutely furious and immediately took money from my son’s bank account to order a new pizza for her, plus a generous tip for the driver.
Now my son is angry at me. He says that since he doesn’t have a job and only gets money for birthdays or holidays, it was unfair to take it from his savings. He thinks his sister should have paid for the new pizza because she has a part-time job.
For context, this isn’t a one-off — this has happened multiple times, and it was at least the third time he’s eaten everything before she got home.
My husband fully supports what I did, and so does my daughter. But now my son is sulking and says I treated him unfairly. I’m starting to second-guess myself. Was I too harsh? Should I have just talked to him again instead of making him pay?
AITA for making him take responsibility with his own money?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Little_Loki918 said:
NTA. Having Autism is not an excuse for eating the entire dinner and leaving none for the rest of the family, even after being explicitly told not to do so. Having autism is also not a shield against the natural consequences of his actions. He ate the entire large pizza that was the entire family’s dinner, and you had to order another one.
It was only fair that he paid for it. In the future, perhaps it’s best to affirmatively set aside the food for your husband and daughter and yourself (labeled so there can be no confusion) and then let him eat. Also, there are some diseases that either lead to extreme hunger or prevent the full cues from registering in your brain/body.
Kindly_Area_4380 said:
Regardless of his diagnosis, there should be consequences to his actions. How big was the pizza? Growing kids may have out of bounds metabolism. We have a pizza place that does personal pizzas. Maybe that’s a better solution or a large for the family and a small that is his. NTA.
ieyad04 said:
“I ordered a pizza and told him to save some for his father and sister.” He knew he wasn’t supposed to eat the whole thing — that’s a very clear instruction to leave some (which would logically have to be at least two pieces since it’s for two people). NTA.
Sucks for him in this particular instance, but maybe he’ll pay more attention in future when he’s told to leave some for other people.
plsuh said:
NTA. “My son’s reasoning is that he doesn’t work so his only sources of income are for his birthday and Christmas, so my daughter should’ve paid since she has a job.”
This is invalid reasoning. Neurodivergent or not, he can see that this leads to the conclusion that if you have no income it is ok to take what you want from someone who has an income — which is theft.
My son does not have much money to begin with and he is neurodivergent which makes it difficult for him to consider others. When enough consequences hit him he will start to take others into consideration.
Many neurodivergent people have difficulties in empathizing with other people; fair enough. He may not get how his sister feels, but once he makes the connection that being inconsiderate costs him real money, he will get the picture.
It is your job as his parent to set the boundaries and consequences so that he can understand right and wrong. Not enforcing a consequence that hurts leads to a failure to launch.
He may need different ways to reason through things or alternative consequences; work with his care team to get it right. What you absolutely don’t want to be is That Parent who is always excusing her child’s behavior “because he’s neurodivergent.”
EffableFornent said:
NTA. This is a perfect natural consequence. If he was still hungry, he could have made himself some food, but he chose to eat everyone else’s. He pays for that.
Why on earth should his sister buy him dinner? It’s not about him being autistic, as he clearly knows what the deal is… He’s just a selfish teenager, and needs to learn that being selfish has consequences.
Pretzelmamma said:
This is nothing to do with ASD, this is to do with your son being an entitled AH.
“My daughter should’ve paid.” He ate her portion and expects her to pay for it? Usually when you point out to someone with ASD that they’ve behaved badly they are apologetic.
He just didn’t care until there were consequences, and even then he’s sorry for himself, not his sister.
BadWolf_Corporation said:
“My son’s reasoning is that he doesn’t work so his only sources of income are for his birthday and Christmas, so my daughter should’ve paid since she has a job.”
Your daughter isn’t the one who ate everyone else’s food.
TemperatureTight465 said:
NTA. He knows what he’s doing. You’ve explained it; you explained it in the moment. He just doesn’t think it’s reasonable and there haven’t been sufficient consequences to stop him thus far.
(And I’m autistic, so y’all can miss me with the excuses. Too many autistic men get away with doing whatever they want to women because they blame their ASD.)
FuzzyMom?2005 said:
NTA. At 14, ASD or not, he has to learn that actions have consequences. So, he thinks his sister should pay for his greediness? That’s a big “no.”
Constant_Can7329 said:
My cousin has autism, and literally does the same thing with food. Actually, it’s much worse, and his mother makes excuses for the behavior instead of holding him accountable.
A few years ago there was a huge Thanksgiving dinner for our entire family. In every universe you would assume there would be leftovers.
Her son ate 4 plates stacked up with food, 3 massive bowls of soup, an entire pan of bread, and made himself an entire other plate of food stacked up for later. There was literally nothing left.
The sheer volume of food that young man consumed was just unbelievable. No one was able to take even a small amount of their favorite Thanksgiving food home.
Now we have two Thanksgiving dinners — one with their family and one without. My aunt will not ever hold her son accountable. It’s just pure gluttony at everyone’s expense.
I hear about him doing it all the time, but she just makes an excuse and everyone around her has to suffer.
Point being, it has developed into a toxic situation that is still ongoing. Resentment and disdain has built up within my extended family toward her family with little to no chance of resolution. OP did the right thing. NTA.
