AITA for Refusing to Let My Husband Be in Charge of Our Finances?

My husband and I have been married for over a year. He knows what I make hourly, but I don’t just hand over my paycheck. Here’s why: Ten years ago, my kids’ father took control of my income and bank account, spent all my savings, and gave me a $50-a-week allowance. That money had to cover gas, groceries, and diapers. When I gave birth to our second child, I sometimes had to walk to the store so I’d have gas left to get to work.

One day, I stood in the diaper aisle, crying because I had to choose between buying diapers for my newborn or my toddler. A stranger bought both for me and gave me extra money to hide. When I got home, I was yelled at and accused of stealing because I had “too much stuff.” When I asked for more money, I was told to “figure it out.” Eventually, I got $100 a week, and a few months later, I left. I promised myself I’d never let a man control my money again.

Fast forward. My current husband knew I came into the relationship with $18,000 in credit card debt, which I’ve nearly paid off in two years. I cover groceries for our family of five, phone bills, car insurance, my car payment, and the last of my credit card. He pays the utilities and mortgage. We recently bought a camper. He took out the loan in his name, and he has the insurance payout from my totaled camper.

He says I should give him $300+ a month to save and help with utilities. I won’t. I’m not on his savings account and can’t access it if something happens. I opened my own account five months ago and save $250 from each paycheck. I also pay for school supplies and clothes for my kids. He shares custody with his ex and splits their daughter’s costs 50/50. My ex and I aren’t on those terms.

Every payday, he asks for money. I dodge or offer groceries instead. He says I’m bad with money and should hand him the rest of my paycheck for things like vacation and dinners. I won’t. The idea of being put on an allowance again terrifies me. Sure, I overspend now and then, but I don’t use credit cards or go into debt anymore. I coupon and budget before entering the grocery store.

He says I need to trust him because “his savings account is mine too.” But unless I have full access, I won’t believe that. Recently, he sold a vehicle, put $16,000 in his savings, and gave me $1,000 to spend however I wanted. I saved $200, bought each of my kids a Christmas gift early, and got myself new glasses and contacts. When I wanted a $20 hoodie, he said, “Did you already spend the money?” and asked for receipts.

He knew I bought the glasses and kids’ gifts. Still, he told me I was irresponsible and shouldn’t have been trusted with the money. He’s pushing harder now, even getting his friends to make comments about how I should pay for drinks or pull out my debit card. I usually don’t drink, but I tip well because the bartenders always keep my water full.

So Reddit… AITA for not letting my husband have control over all of our money?

Reddit Reactions