I’m a 41-year-old man, and I was in a relationship with my now ex-girlfriend (39F) for nearly six years. Things between us were solid overall. About four years into our relationship, I decided to propose. I let her family and close friends know in advance, and they were all supportive and excited for us.
I planned the proposal during a family vacation. After a nice dinner surrounded by people we loved, I popped the question. She said, “No, not yet anyway.”
That stung. I didn’t make a scene — I just quietly went back to our room to gather my thoughts. Later that evening, she came in to talk and asked why I’d left. We had a long, honest conversation. She said she didn’t think I was ready for the commitment. I told her I respected her opinion, but also explained that I’ve always viewed “no” as “no” — not as “ask again later.”
She asked me to be patient and wait until we were in a more stable place. So I agreed. I took a step back and gave it time.
About eight to ten months later, she started hinting that she was ready. Things like, “I can’t wait for our wedding,” or “My dad walking me down the aisle is going to be so emotional.” A little over a year after the first proposal, I tried again. This time, it was just the two of us after a quiet, romantic evening together.
When I showed her the ring, she went silent. Then she said again, “No… not yet. Maybe sometime in the future.”
That moment changed everything. I won’t lie — I fell out of love with her right then. It might sound cold, but it was like a switch flipped. When we got home, I didn’t sleep in our bed. I stayed in the guest room and thought about what our relationship really was.
The next morning, she asked why I hadn’t slept next to her. I told her the truth. I said I didn’t want to keep holding on to something that clearly wasn’t going in the direction I needed. I take marriage seriously. I don’t want to feel strung along. I told her this second “no” was the final one for me.
I gave her a month to find another place to live. Since then, her friends and family have been bombarding me with texts and emails calling me heartless and telling me to reconsider. My own friends, on the other hand, fully support my decision and understand why I ended it.
So now I’m wondering… AITAH?
What Reddit had to say:
BlueGreen_1956
You gave her two chances. That’s more than most would have. You were right to walk away. Tell her family to mind their business.
baeworth
Falling out of love over marriage differences is very real. I stayed with someone for too long after they rejected marriage, thinking they’d change. They didn’t. It broke me down slowly. You did the right thing early enough.
omrmajeed
She wasn’t respecting your feelings. She just wanted to keep you around. You saw it and left. Good on you. NTA.
Traditional_Trade795
You’re clearly ready, and she’s clearly not. She should’ve been honest. Instead, she dragged it out. NTA.
ShortThunder5145
She didn’t want a husband. She wanted a placeholder. You want a real commitment. Walking away was the best thing you could’ve done.
MsBaseball34
Two “no”s = a big NO. She’s not ready for marriage and probably never will be. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just protecting your future.
NYCStoryteller
She said you weren’t ready? Sounds like projection. If she truly loved you the way you deserved, she’d have said yes the first time. Six years is more than enough time to know. NTA.
yetagainitry
I wish I saw more communication between you two in the post. Hints and assumptions aren’t always enough. But if she really didn’t want marriage, she should’ve been upfront. I get why you left.
[Reddit User]
Even if she says yes now, it would just be to avoid losing you — not because she means it. That’s not the kind of yes you want. You did the right thing.
Jnbee
Sorry, I’ve seen other posts that contradict this story from you. Not sure if this is 100{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} real. Either way, if it is, then no, you’re not the AH.
