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AITA for taking my father out of the nursing home behind his wife’s back?

by Ankit
July 19, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 12 mins read
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I’m a 34-year-old woman and the youngest of five siblings. When I was eight years old, our mother passed away. Years later, our father remarried a woman named Mary. At the time, I was fourteen, and some of my older siblings were already heading off to college. Mary came into the family with strong opinions and tried to control what we were allowed and not allowed to do.

That didn’t sit well with any of us—especially around the time of my oldest brother’s eighteenth birthday. He had just been accepted to a good college and was excited about getting a car. Apparently, she and our father had been discussing getting a new vehicle, but the one she wanted was too expensive, and our dad said no.

Then she found out my brother had bought himself an inexpensive car. She lost it. That’s when my father had to explain to her that we all had inheritances from our mother. She accused him of hiding money, which wasn’t true. He told her our inheritance wasn’t her business. He also explained that when our mother died, she made him executor of our funds.

Mary then tried convincing our father to take money from our inheritance to buy her the car she wanted. But he refused and said he would never cheat his own children. We couldn’t stand her after that. Still, since our father loved her, we tolerated it.

These days, all my siblings live in different states, but I’m the one closest to our father. I visit him more often, and when we’re not able to see each other, we FaceTime daily. Then suddenly, we stopped hearing from him. For days, my siblings and I kept calling without getting any answers. Eventually, one of my sisters flew out to meet me, and we drove to our father’s house.

When we pulled up, Mary’s car was in the driveway. We had been calling her the whole way there with no answer. We walked inside, calling out for our dad. Mary immediately told us to stop yelling in “her” house—even though it’s our father’s house. We asked where he was, and she casually said he’d had a stroke and was in the hospital.

We were beyond shocked. She hadn’t even bothered to let us know. She said he was doing fine, so there was no need. He’d lost some mobility, had speech problems, and suffered mental effects from the stroke, though rehab helped him improve. After that, we lost all remaining respect for her.

Then about a year ago, my dad fell while cleaning the gutters. He broke his leg and dislocated his shoulder. We visited, and everything seemed okay at first. But later, we noticed that he never had the energy to FaceTime anymore. He would only reply briefly by text or on the phone.

Recently, I got a job opportunity that required me to move back home. I decided to surprise him and bought a house nearby. When I went to visit him, I found the locks had been changed. So I called my dad. That’s when he told me he was still in the nursing home!

He said he hadn’t seen Mary at all and she wasn’t even answering his calls. He was only supposed to be there temporarily for rehab and should’ve been discharged months ago. I drove straight there, picked him up, and brought him back home.

Now Mary’s threatening to press charges against me for kidnapping.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

z09_ said: NTA your dad's wife has some very alarming...

Amythist35 said: NTA she abandoned him.

That's terrible, get a lawyer and protect your father also...

TheLoudCanadianGirl said: Info: Who is his subst*tute decision maker/power of...

In other words who is legally allowed to make medical...

BeccaB001980 said: NTA - you need to get your father...

His a*sets need to be protected whether he likes the...

He needs to tell you and the attorney where all...

Talk to your siblings and most importantly talk to the...

">Paevatar said: NTA All the people here suggesting that you...

100{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} right. This woman is up to no good.

Something similar happened to me many years ago, but I...

Evil stepmother didn't tell us about Dad's stroke, which left...

After he was released she whisked him off to Florida...

A family friend there called and told me my father...

and the evil one was haunting his room with her...

The nurses told me she badgered him for days about...

The old will left everything he had to me and...

He was at the condo for one day, then she...

He called me just before he pa*sed away, he could...

Next day one of her daughters called me to tell...

and her mom who took good care of him was...

but she was a greedy narcissistic b- word.

I was never informed about what was done with his...

ashes tossed in the ocean or something.. I hope your...

Izzy4162305 said: NTA, and based on the information in your...

the nursing home needs to be reported because at least...

Dependent_Lie_5687 said: Info: Does she have power of attorney over...

Does he still have any cognitive deficits from the stroke?

Are you able to get information from the nursing staff...

I'm a social worker at a nursing home and these...

If you want to take him permanently out of the...

If she does have power of attorney over him -...

he can no longer make choices for himself and physician(s)...

I'd highly recommend consulting with a lawyer if you want...

louisianefille said: NTA.

If I were you, I'd do some digging and make...

Because it sounds like she had no intention of bringing...

Verify she hasn't added herself to the deed or removed...

Reddit User said: NTA, retain council for your father immediately...

Have a talk with your dad and maybe see if...

arrangement.

This situation is really concerning and it would not surprise...

Reddit User said: I don't know whether to scream or...

I'm here once again blowing off steam. This morning,

we received a call from the director of the nursing...

They're trying to cover their a*ses now. Our lawyer advised...

but my brother wanted to have the meeting so he...

just make sure the director is okay with being recorded.

In the midst of all of this my aunt (daddy's...

I'm agitated because she's worried about a plant. Anyhow we...

She said no. I have my phone in my pocket...

though I'm aware whatever I record is illegal,

(at this point its gloves off ) She instantly apologizes...

my father's case. She informs us that they' have been...

I don't buy it. Is that even possible? We asked...

She says she can't release the name of those involved...

My brother calls her on her b**Ishit. Asks to see...

(Our lawyer states if these people have been reported then...

and he can request the documents) My brother asked why...

How do you take the word of his wife over...

He states he refuses to believe they 'dropped the ball'...

The conversation was going left so we ended it with...

he's having a hard time dealing with this, especially being...

) My aunt calls me talking about this d**n plant...

(They had placed his things in a bag). She kept...

Of course, we race home and it took us nearly...

It made me emotional watching him sitting in his room...

We've handed over the footage to the attorney. The question...

Our lawyer said something about the nursing home having to...

Here you have to get permission to install cameras in...

I've been reading about elder a**se and how these nursing...

That's all. There is one thing good, that has come...

We start talking about dad's house. We're thinking of several...

While Mary may have changed the front and both side...

simply because my grandmother's Curio has been in front of...

Dad overheard us talking and wanted to tag along which...

I had to be hoisted over the backyard fence since...

Dad had to be front and center so he sat...

Our key works like we expected, but to get in...

but desperate times come for desperate measures. My brothers literally...

to make it flip over, which yes caused a mess...

Off back we noticed all family pictures had been removed...

We eventually found our family pictures in the basement. My...

We find out Mary is writing bad checks to their...

We've learned in these last months she's been to Vegas...

All first-cla*s flights to and from and she had a...

We learned she'd opened credit cards in my dad's name...

My father's jewelry is missing.

His safe in the closet that holds my mother's valuables...

We called the police to make a report. What do...

Told the cops we broke into her house. That she...

The police made it clear since they're married, they can't...

then one of them needed to leave the residence until...

I was able to produce the deed to show that...

Cops threatened her with arrest once I brought up that...

Said we were the reason their marriage was crumbling.

) The cops asked was it possible for my father...

That he'd been abandoned at a nursing home for two...

The moment we mentioned things missing from the house, all...

They asked her about the jewelry, but she made it...

She packed as much as she could since the officer...

The entire time she's hollering and crying at my father...

Everything she'd done for him! That he wouldn't be blessed...

The officer continued to tell her to be quiet and...










 

Ankit

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