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AITA for agreeing mom shouldn’t attend our grandmother’s funeral

by Ankit
July 24, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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In the tangled web of family ties, the relationship between a mother and her own mother often carries the weight of past wounds and unspoken pain. Growing up in a large, impoverished Catholic family shadowed by an abusive father, the mother’s childhood was marked by hardship and a complicated dynamic with her own mother—a woman who was neither overtly nurturing nor entirely absent, but whose cruelty and coldness left deep, lasting scars.

Yet, beneath the surface of this fraught relationship lies a quiet, undeniable bond. Despite the emotional distance and harsh words, the grandmother showed her love in her own way—welcoming her grandchildren into her home after a family divorce and stepping in to care for them. Her toughness was perhaps a reflection of a lifetime of struggle, revealing that love can be complicated, imperfect, and sometimes expressed through sacrifice rather than softness.

AITA for agreeing mom shouldn’t attend our grandmother’s funeral

Featured Image

My Mom and grandmother have a complicated relationship. My mom...

Her dad was an alcoholic and abusive, and although Granny...

They have always had a bit of weird behaviour towards...

That said, Granny still took care of us. When my...

I think she had a very rough life and because...

It got so bad that she really needed home help,...

the thought of putting her in a home was absolutely...

For 3 years, Mom and 3 of her siblings take...

It is tough work, and unfortunately Granny does not remember...

she used to remember her sons names, and always treated...

Mom is not in the will either, as Granny put...

Mom had no power to contact a retirement home because...

Basically, Mom can't do anything to change the situation, and...

Recently, Mom planned a trip to Italy with my sister...

Right now it's the week before her trip and Granny...

which my mom was there for, and may pa*s away...

There are debates between us about whether they should go...

I know our family is going to be SUPER mad...

In our culture, it's not about going to the funeral...

I don't think people are always very honest to each...

But in light of the past 3 years, the poor...

What do you think of this story?





LET’S SEE WHAT REDDIT COMMENTS HAD TO SAY – BECAUSE THIS STORY LEFT EVERYONE STUNNED.

TwistedAndFlare NTA. This isn't abandonment, it's survival.

Your mom already sacrificed three brutal years caring for a...

even if the world doesn't see it. Missing a funeral...

ex-spera it's final boundary she's earned: NTA.

Your mum shouldn't be forced to attend the funeral of...

I know that's much easier said than done, but your...

FairyCompetent I hope you're getting support as well.: NTA.

The people judging her would be the same people who...

k23_k23 so I vote fly to Italy. F**k them Catholics.:...

and let the son who inherits everything take care of...

No-Ease-3683 Your mom has been through probably much more than...

Allow her to make her own decisions. I was raised...

but I'm not going to lie when I say I...

I was raised in a small town full of Catholic...

No-Potential-7242 The ones singing loudest in church on Sunday mornings...

You have thought about this carefully. You haven't given your...

This is ultimately her decision. I don't know where you...

Medusa_7898 I don't want to give you advice that might...

floofelina Granny could live another few weeks.: NTA.

If she gets a reputation for being uncaring, she might...

OneSmolBean NTA. This sounds SO similar to parts of my...

down to the big family, uneven car, bad relationships and...

despite their history, when others weren't. She did the hard...

squigs She's burnt out and there's no guarantee that your...

From the t*tle, I thought this was going to go...

I really don't think it's fair on her to put...

If she can't make it then that's the way of...

Reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people empathize with the complex dynamics between the narrator’s mom and grandmother. Commenters often pointed out how difficult it can be to reconcile love and resentment within family relationships, especially when past trauma and hardship play a significant role. Some shared personal stories of similar situations, highlighting that sometimes those who seem cruel are simply carrying their own pain, which affects how they interact with loved ones. Others emphasized the importance of acknowledging the grandmother’s efforts, despite her flaws, and how nuanced family roles can be.

In my view, this story is a poignant reminder that family relationships are rarely black and white. While the grandmother’s behavior may have been hurtful at times, her willingness to care for the narrator and their siblings shows a layer of complexity rooted in survival and love shaped by hardship. It encourages us to approach such relationships with empathy and understanding, recognizing that people’s actions often come from a place of struggle rather than malice. Ultimately, it’s about finding compassion for all sides and appreciating the imperfect bonds that hold families together.

Ankit

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