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AITA for Marrying a Man My Mom Can’t Stand?

by Ankit
July 29, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 21 mins read
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AITA for Marrying a Man My Mom Can’t Stand?

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**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [DefythePatriarchy](https: //www.reddit.com/user/DefythePatriarchy/)**.**...

# Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is...

bittersweet!< **Original** [Post](https: //www.reddit. com/r/AmItheA*shole/comments/1gbf1e1/wibta_for_going_ahead_with_a_wedding_that_my_mom/)**: October 24,

2024** **T*tle: ** WIBTA for going ahead with a wedding...

and we dated for nearly three years before he proposed....

but postponed it because my family was going through a...

my mom despises my fiance. She says that he has...

he is selfish and wants to keep my to himself,...

For clarification, I am a kindergarten teacher, currently pursuing my...

He is an electrical engineer, also pursuing a master's degree,...

It ended BADLY. I mean screaming fights, storming out of...

She swears she will never step foot back in the...

Well, while she was here, I didn't get a chance...

I fully intended to, but with all the fighting and...

my fiance and his family are asking questions about where...

On the one hand, we could reschedule the entire thing...

On the other hand, we could go through with the...

I desperately want my mom to be there, but I...

And I'm not sure I want to keep postponing the...

Extra: My mom does have a TBI, which affects her...

Despite the brain injury, she swears that she is being...

that I should trust her implicitly and leave him. INFO:...

He wouldn't leave me alone with her while she was...

Because we talked in the living room. Of the small...

) 2. He does not encourage a strong bond between...

My reasoning is that I don't actually want to go...

(She is referring to the fact that years ago, before...

We worked in a restaurant with lots of liberal college...

I was obviously wrong, as we have been together for...

(I lied about going on a trip to Puerto Rico,...

It did end poorly, and she does not trust me...

) ***Some of OOP's Comments: *** Commenter: NTA. Have your...

It's your mother's choice whether to come or not (if...

What about friends? As long as there will be people...

If you can encourage your mother to see a neurologist,...

>**OOP: ** My family broke apart almost ten years ago...

My side of the aisle would just be my best...

Unfortunately, she lives in a city with subpar medical care,...

*To another question about her family: * My biological father...

My maternal family exploded almost ten years ago, when my...

It's just been my mom, my brother, and I for...

*OOP explains: * >I usually would agree with you about...

However, my mom has been a**sed by many men over...

It's one of those situations where I can't tell if...

or if she's saying it because she's seen it so...

Was it between your mom and your fiance, or your...

If they were being bigoted, and your fiance didn't stand...

>**OOP: ** It was a fight between my mom and...

and made homeless (which is what happened to her a...

He responded that his mom had asked to be put...

but she has a deep-rooted fear of mental health facilities...

She was furious with me for not defending her against...

Commenter: What do others in your life say about your...

My best friend actually lived with us for three years...

I've known her since middle school, I know her family...

Plus, her parents are very rational and haven't raised any...

None of my coworkers (who have all met him repeatedly)...

Commenter (Downvoted): Sorry but OP doesn't come off sounding like...

>**OOP: ** I completely get where you're coming from, and...

The instances I was referring to were times that my...

Emotionally, I understand where she was coming from because she...

I am a teacher of small children, with the pay...

It is a logistical nightmare for teachers to get time...

I am always supportive over the phone, and I coordinate...

I do my best from where I am, and I'm...

just because she decided to move across the country to...

reddit.com/r/AmItheA*shole/comments/1gukf3j/wibta_for_not_turning_my_location_services_back/)**: November 18, 2024 (3.

5 weeks later)** A little background- We have had Life360...

It's never been a problem, because she checks it for...

She has a brain injury and still looks at my...

Last Christmas, I turned off my Life360 because I was...

I lied about it when my brother asked why it...

I am well aware that I was the a*shole in...

HOWEVER, nearly a year has pa*sed, our relationship is still...

She doesn't approve and doesn't want it to happen, but...

She has started using my location against me- calling and...

or what my plans are on the weekend that require...

she and my brother turned off their locations and told...

I panicked, called the cops, and it turns out it...

The thinking was, if they were going to turn theirs...

My brother texted me a couple days ago, asking me...

I am reluctant, because I am still angry and hurt...

and it has honestly been pretty freeing to know that...

I know that she does look at my location for...

I also feel that at 25, in a different state,...

But I did turn it off once before, and that...

Or should I do what they want and turn it...

com/r/AmItheA*shole/comments/1m6e0wf/aita_for_marrying_a_man_that_my_mom_hates_update/)**: July 22,

2025 (9 months from OG post)** I made a post...

com/r/AmItheA*shole/s/3zXeRgbU5K), and I am so grateful to the people who...

So, an update: we got married!! A lot of y'all...

When my mom left in October, we were in a...

I was desperate to do something, and I finally found...

In the months leading up to the wedding,

my mom continued to scream at me over the phone...

end up leaving her anyway. She was downright hateful, and...

Even with knowing that some of her disregulation was because...

and tell me that I wasn't allowed to be upset...

I was able to reconnect with my mom's cousin, who...

I had my best friend, her family, and my work...

There were times I missed my mom, and I wanted...

I would have felt like I had to perform and...

Just to reaffirm my feelings about her not being there,...

I did send her a few, because I thought a...

She hoped I was happy with my shitty choices and...

We've been having a hard time communicating at all right...

Thanks for reading this far, and I appreciate all the...

com/r/AmItheA*shole/comments/1m6e0wf/comment/n4j9gzu/?context=3): >This is amazing to hear, thank you!

We strongly suspect that my mother has borderline personality disorder...

It hurts so badly to have no mom and no...

and I am hoping that I can do the same...

I can tell you that one of the best lessons...

In my context, that means that my mom doesn't need...

and I am allowed to hang up the phone when...

It's taken me a long time (close to 6 years)...

Send me a DM if you're ever in a low...

It will be better on the other side. Sending you...

They add more insight and context but aren't necessary to...

Why is he thinking your marriage is doomed? NTA >**OOP:...

She spends most of their waking time together ranting about...

I love my brother, but he has always been a...

He was only 19 when he moved out west with...

Although my relationship with my mom is fraught with anger...

I hope that he will heal from her influence, and...

I don't know if it will actually work like that,...

Commenter: Why did he have to uproot his whole life...

Did the brother take the decision to move or was...

At the time, she had just moved out of the...

I was in my senior year of college doing my...

My brother already wasn't happy living with his girlfriend, so...

He wasn't planning to go to college at that time,...

and he had always been her hiking child who liked...

I was four months away from graduating, in the process...

Technically, I tried to get my mom to move back...

since that's where both her kids were and where the...

It made the most sense to bring her back here,...

but she got her hooks in him again, and he...

He started to believe that he owed her everything because...

but literally within two weeks of moving out there, he...

Commenter: What have you done to help support your brother?...

He deals with the fallout of your peace. I'm not...

but if you're doing it on his sacrifice without helping...

>**OOP: ** Unfortunately, my brother doesn't know what a boundary...

I have tried offering him time off or additional support...

He believes that he owes my mother everything and that...

It wasn't always like this, but she got her hooks...

We definitely have our own issues to work through, but...

I've answered some other questions about him in other comments,...

We've made small steps in the right directions over the...

I just don't know how to really fix anything between...

You feel exhausted after talking with your mother once a...

Do you think it is ok leaving your brother trapped...

So he is left with a choice of either staying...

If you don't do something to support him he will...

>**OOP: ** I completely agree with you, I have not...

I mentioned in another comment that I never wanted him...

I know a lot of it is rooted in anger...

He hates me for learning how to set boundaries that...

but she has him believing that he owes her his...

I just need to sit there quietly and take it...

And I hear him say that, and all I can...

He believes what she tells him- which is that she...

And I love him, but I am done sacrificing. I...

and I have no ides how long it is going...

I can't afford to move out west and cut my...

I may be going low contact with my mother, but...

I don't hate either of them, because I know that...

We are just a collection of shattered people, and I...

What do you think of this story?





LET’S SEE WHAT REDDIT COMMENTS HAD TO SAY – BECAUSE THIS STORY LEFT EVERYONE STUNNED.

Apprehensive-Two3474 > I have not been a good older sister.

I am nearly **25k in debt** because of them I...

** Uhm naw OOP, that's going above the call of...

If my older brother did something like that, I'd think...

sistertotherain9 A full on 'where are we going to bury...

commentors saying that OOP should have "saved" her brother by...

yeah, sure, she should have just uprooted her life, ended...

and become her mom's whipping girl because it's a great...

didn't get the chance she did.

hannahranga The commenters certainly did enjoy hanging shit on OP...

cla*s="comment_author">CharlotteLucasOP: "I hope you're not the kind of girl who...

stable person who understands boundaries just to please a codependent...

supersockcat ": The normalisation of people sharing their location 24/7...

I can see how parents might want that for *younger*...

consensual scenarios, or in specific situations like safety while travelling...

mischief7manager But I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with...

life is that a person can be disabled, mentally ill,...

and also still choose to be shitty to the people...

hopefully one day OOP will be able to come to...

thebigeverybody and OOP deserves better than being the target of...

I hope things get better for OOP, but right now...

Lina0042 Those comments calling her an a*shole for not living...

It's absolutely not reasonable to expect your 20 something kids...

The issue is not that OOP isn't doing it while...

career and long term financial stability take a great hit...

cla*s="comment_author">Overall_Search_3207: That poor fiancé has much more patience for OOP...

cla*s="comment_author">adieli: I feel like my brain is melting reading all...

black hole that is her mother's life in order to...

Ankit

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