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AITA for telling my fiancé that his best friend can’t be his best man?

by Ankit
September 11, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 10 mins read
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Their love story seemed perfect on the surface—two devoted souls, deeply in love, building a future together with shared dreams of a wedding and a home. She admired him endlessly, captivated by his kindness and strength, their six years of commitment weaving a tapestry of hope and promise. Every dollar they set aside was a testament to their dedication, a careful dance of sacrifice and planning to turn their dreams into reality.

Yet beneath the surface, her heart carried a quiet burden. While she earned more and gave more, funding not just their shared dreams but also her family’s chance to be part of their celebration, a silent tension lingered. The love was real, but the weight of unequal sacrifice began to shadow the joy, hinting at the complexities woven into even the most beautiful stories.

AITA for telling my fiancé that his best friend can’t be his best man?

I know how it sounds. My fiancé (29M) is an...

I (29F) was impressed with him from the moment I...

We each put a percentage of our earnings into two...

We each pay the same percentage, but I pay a...

At this rate, we'll have enough to buy a home...

As to the wedding, we both wanted a small one,...

My family's pretty poor, so I've also been saving a...

I'm also paying for one of my bridesmaids who went...

but his family can afford to pay (somewhat wealthy) and...

My fiancé's best friend Tom (30M) who he asked to...

He suffered significant injuries, is going to have some major...

My fiancé wants to pay for him (several thousand dollars)...

But, especially with everything going on, my fiancé does not...

Truthfully, I can't stand this friend. He often rides or...

does not have a job, makes snarky comments about my...

and lives in his parents basement while ignoring their well-being....

I wasn't happy about it, but I wasn't about to...

my fiancé has suggested taking a huge chunk of our...

We got in a huge fight and he called me...

and that there was no way in h**l I'd pay...

" He hasn't spoken to me since last night and...

************EDIT************** Thank you to everyone that's responded - I will...

I just wanted to make an edit based on a...

To clarify, we have talked about everything, especially financial expectations,...

My fiancé's dad is a family law attorney, and as...

discussed with us the common pitfalls he saw that ended...

His advice revolves largely around open communication and setting expectations...

So when we each graduated, we talked about the career...

He wasn't worried about helping his parents out later in...

He also wasn't worried that much about developing a big...

I, on the other hand, likely will not have any...

I also have a good amount of student loan debt...

he'd be willing to cut back on it significantly to...

as I feel that would natural cause resentment, especially if...

So I took a high stress job that I don't...

We agreed we each should be able to make that...

work clothes. At his father's suggestion,

we put in writing specifically what the fund could be...

we each get back what we put in and we...

Because of the difference in our incomes, about 80{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} of...

which I think is reasonable because we're a team, we're...

(2) We create other joint savings accounts as needed for...

We have one for the house (each pay 20{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} of...

10{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f}).

(3) We each get to keep the remaining 35{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} for...

My fiancé does not have that much left over -...

Right now he voluntarily went part-time because his work place...

and we're in a good position otherwise, so he has...

but it goes mostly toward yearly vacations for us, my...

an account set up for my parents future expenses, and...

So yes, I could cut back on certain things and...

I realize this system would not work for everyone, but...

What do you think of this story?





THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.

JackNotName NTA You need to sit your fiancé down and...

sacrifice her values and risk the down payment for your...

making. Personally, I wouldn't be able to remain friends with...

jayelwhitedear My question is why is this all falling on...

If Drunk Tom wants to attend your wedding and stand...

surely Drunk Tom can find some other means of making...

JMLKO NTA this is more than him just being the...

It's you financing his bad decision to drive a motorcycle...

No way your married life should start off with a...

OshetDeadagain It's not your responsibility to carry him financially.: I...

I would do the same in your shoes.

You're justified in your stance and it's unreasonable to take...

If your husband doesn't want to/can't use his own money...

Samanthuh-maybe NAH. You need to sit him down and explain...

Sometimes the two of you will decide to invest in...

Like helping your parents get into nursing homes down the...

-nEgativezEro- but you do it anyway because it's the right...

obviously, is Tom. Repeatedly driving drunk on a motorcycle is...

Impacting your savings so heavily is a foolish move,

and it's not selfish or cruel to put your entire...

pinap45454 ESH/NTA. You don't get to choose his best man,

I feel like these issues come up a lot and...

instead focus on the objective merits of their grievances with...

TrashyMF NTA, his friend is irresponsible. Your fiance should use...

Kayliee73 NAH (with the exception of the drunk driving friend)....

My husband was treated just horribly by his family. A**se?...

His brother inherited the house when their mom died. He...

BexW858 YTA Think I'm bucking the trend with this opinion,

and whilst I understand your stance and if your future...

wedding and be his best man, I'd be completely on...

yes he needs to grow up and yes he's in...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear many people empathize with the original poster’s generous spirit and dedication to her fiancé and family. Commenters praised her thoughtful planning and the way she’s balancing her financial contributions with their shared goals. Some pointed out that while she’s going above and beyond financially, the key is open communication and mutual respect in the relationship, which seems strong here.

In my view, this story highlights the importance of partnership beyond just money. The couple’s commitment to each other and their future together shines through, and the poster’s willingness to support both her fiancé and her family reflects a deep caring nature. It’s a reminder that love and teamwork often mean making sacrifices, but when done with honesty and appreciation, it brings people closer rather than driving them apart.

Ankit

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