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AITA for visiting my late husband’s grave every month with my kids?

by Ankit
September 16, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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AITA for visiting my late husband’s grave every month with my kids?

I (31F) lost my ex husband two years ago. We...

After his pa*sing, initially, I used to visit his grave...

But then it became a monthly routine - the kids...

about why they don't see him around). I met John*...

honestly, but he made me feel safe, gave me the...

I was overjoyed and so were the kids (they love...

My fiance seemed like he was upset about it but...

Cut to yest evening, when we were having dinner and...

When we were going to bed, I asked him again....

I told him that he can come along, even pointed...

He said I'm creating an unhealthy attachment for the kids...

I told him that he knew what he was getting...

And just because he's their father doesn't mean that John...

He slept on the couch on his own accord yest...

I feel like I might be TA for making my...

Edit: I'm sorry for causing any confusion by calling him...

Edit 2: I am overwhelmed by everyone's responses and I'm...

A lot of you guys suggested that this is a...

It's been overwhelming to come to this realisation but I'm...

What do you think of this story?





THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.

Mofukin_Irisden NTA Getting married to you doesn't make him their...

And there's nothing unhealthy at all over them mourning their...

iDontGetCute92 NTA.... He is for basically saying,

you and your children are no longer able to visit...

You've welcomed each other into each other's lives,

and him wanting to spend the rest of your lives...

Pleasant-Tax8290 NTA I'm really just here to say don't marry...

Few-Entrepreneur383 For your kids mental health and your own.: NTA...

who happens to be deceased; unless you both discussed him...

It's good he let you grieve but your children have...

The kids don't need a new father &

D-Beyond most certainly wouldn't want to give up this traditio:...

automatically make him the kid's new dad. The kids have...

John's behaviour is uncalled for and being jealous of a...

Anairdna He needs to get over it: Definitely NTA.

Just because you're engaged does not automatically make this man...

According to the post, you did ask if he wanted...

You've gone from weekly visits to once a month, which...

PotentialTea1125 I'm pretty sure that getting married is only going...

The fact he's looking for way to push himself into...

YourTemporaryMom I'd honestly take a step back from the whole...

Him being perfect for you, then trying to exert control...

taken together, an early narcissistic a**se marker. I might be...

KayakerMel It is highly unlikely he gets less controlling over...

1000{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} NTA. A month after I turned 9, my mom...

It was fast and unexpected. We'd occasionally visit my mom's...

We'd visit my maternal grandmother once a month in the...

IndependentFart Obviously we couldn't visit her grave anymore.: Yeah. NTA,...

He's not your kids' dad until THEY decide he is....

Just because you met him, it does not mean you...

Just from what you described, many red flags have popped...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people empathize deeply with the original poster’s situation. The loss of a spouse is incredibly difficult, especially when children are involved, and it’s heartwarming to see that she’s found someone who supports her and loves her kids. Many commenters highlighted the importance of balancing memories of the past with the hope for the future, and they encouraged open communication with the new partner about feelings surrounding the ex’s grave visits.

In my opinion, this story beautifully illustrates the complexity of moving forward after loss. It’s natural for the fiancé to feel some discomfort, but his willingness to be there for her and the children shows his commitment. The key will be honest conversations and mutual respect for each other’s feelings. Ultimately, love and healing can coexist, allowing the family to honor the past while building a new chapter together.

Ankit

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