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Husband Used Our Savings for a Lawsuit and Said He’s Planning to Divorce Me Soon

by Ankit
September 22, 2025
in WIBTA
Reading Time: 9 mins read
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She has devoted her life to raising their four children, embracing the role of a stay-at-home mom with quiet strength and unwavering dedication. Though she does not earn a paycheck, her work is the backbone of their family, managing every detail from childcare to household chores, ensuring their home is a sanctuary of care and comfort. Yet beneath the surface of this trusted partnership lies a growing unease—she has never been allowed access to the family’s finances, a boundary she accepted out of faith in her husband’s judgment.

That fragile trust shattered when she discovered the nearly depleted savings—money she believed was secure for their future—had been drained to fund a lawsuit she had no voice in. Confronting him, she asked for transparency and respect, only to be met with refusal and dismissal. In that moment, the foundation of their marriage felt as fragile as the dwindling funds, leaving her to grapple with the painful reality of control, power, and the true cost of sacrifice.

WIBTA for not doing my “job” because my husband refuses to give me access to “his” paycheck and “our” savings account?

UPDATE AT END (Original) I am and always have been...

He works full time and makes a good salary so...

I have not worked as childcare where we are is...

So despite not receiving a paycheck I believe I provide...

I also cook, clean, and do everything in the house....

I also do not have access to "the" savings although...

I truly tried to trust him and honestly had never...

I found out he had used almost all of our...

He simply said he said no and because I had...

Later, he wanted to refi our family home because the...

I asked for 2 things to change to feel more...

His paycheck needed to be deposited in our joint bank...

He finally realized he needed me to continue and said...

The money was "his" and I was not going to...

I again tried to be reasonable and showed him what...

He would give me what he felt I needed just...

I honestly do have ample money to buy necessities for...

But it feels so demeaning to basically have to ask...

He refuses to do anything differently and told me the...

I put myself in a financially vulnerable position for this...

family. WIBTA if I told him if I am not...

He is working from home and while hard to manage...

I am so hurt by the inequity and the lies....

I cannot tell you what it has meant to me...

I have been told so often about so many things...

And it is one of the worst feeling to "feel"...

So I am happy in an odd way that so...

I got up to find that my husband had left...

He said no - that he was leaving and we...

I texted him to say that I would be taking...

My grandparents are very sick - failing hearts - and...

I made sure to spell out in writing that I...

I waited for a written confirmation that he was okay...

And we've had a really relaxing day in the car...

I'm typing because my parents drive towards me to meet...

I would be ent*tled to because of my previous marriage...

I would get spousal support for a short period of...

The lawyer I saw (by borrowing money from my parents...

But honestly that would only encourage him to up the...

But he will almost surely get 50{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} custody because that...

What seems fair is almost never what is legal in...

Well I can move anywhere I want but I can't...

I started staying at home when my oldest was born...

Then when we divorced I ran the numbers and it...

change in their lives. Minimizing their pain was my number...

I absolutely did not choose to be a stay at...

But I thought I was doing what was right for...

Anyway - I think maybe I'm feeling defensive but I...

What do you think of this story?





REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.

NorseShieldmaiden NTA. This is financial a**se.

He is making sure you depend on him and that...

kupur You may want to ask yourself if you can...

Honey, he is financially abusive.

He: * refuses to give you access (or even let...

you * refuses to let you have a say in...

supportgolem sound like he believes that family saving: You don't...

you need r/relationshipadvice or r/JustNoSO, if not them, then seek...

I don't think it's great that you might refuse to...

But his behaviour is seriously concerning. Please don't let this...

imjustlurkinghere244 because it doesn't sound like he will: NTA. Those...

I really can't tell you what to do but that...

TexFiend NTA This man cannot be trusted with your future....

Leave the kids with him and get out there every...

Work hard, save your money, talk to a lawyer, move...

smallblueangel The alternative is to continue living in the dark....

Eevee027 He is terrible: You are in a financially abusive...

With holding care from your children is not the answer....

blackskirtwhitecat NTA, but you need to wise up, my lady.

This man is abusing you and deceiving you for an...

childcare service working hard in the hope that her only...

niekie05 It's not unheard of for sneaky spouses to arrange...

Get a job. Stop being a SAHM and get a...

Saopaul_Cline Get a job.: NTA. He is a huge AH....

A marriage is supposed to be two people in a...

Going back to work is a sound decision. From what...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people empathize with the original poster’s feelings of frustration and exclusion from financial decisions, especially given her role as a stay-at-home mom contributing significantly to the household. Commenters often emphasize the importance of transparency and mutual respect in a marriage, suggesting that financial decisions, particularly those involving family savings, should be a joint effort. There’s a consensus that while the husband’s intentions might have been to protect or support the family through the lawsuit, keeping his wife in the dark only breeds mistrust and resentment.

In my opinion, this situation highlights a common but critical issue in relationships: the need for open communication and shared financial responsibility. Trust is foundational, and when one partner unilaterally makes decisions that affect the whole family, it can undermine that trust deeply. The couple would benefit from sitting down together to reassess their financial boundaries and create a more inclusive system, ensuring both partners feel valued and secure in their contributions. Without this, the imbalance could lead to ongoing conflict and emotional distance.

Ankit

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