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AITA for abandoning my brother after promising to my mom that I wouldn’t

by Ankit
September 25, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 7 mins read
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From the very beginning, the younger brother’s journey was marked by relentless struggle and quiet battles. Despite the unwavering love and Herculean efforts of their mother, who stood as a pillar through every challenge, the weight of his learning disability cast a long shadow over his life, shaping a path fraught with hardship and pain.

Years later, that struggle morphed into darker demons—alcohol and drugs consumed him, dragging him deeper into despair. Surrounded by a family torn between hope and heartbreak, his bitterness and anger carved a chasm that threatened to swallow them whole, painting a portrait of a man lost in the storm of his own making.

AITA for abandoning my brother after promising to my mom that I wouldn’t

This is a tough post to write and it's even...

From an early age it was clear that my younger...

He had a learning disability and it is through herculean...

and with the help of a full time tutor who...

Skipping forward a few years, he is now 31, and...

Despite a monthly income of $4000 and expenses of only...

because they felt like if they "abandoned" him he would...

As a result, he's extremely difficult to be around because...

He has lost all of his friends, the girl he...

He would spent weeks at their place because he "couldn't...

Mom spent countless hours of her life trying to research...

We've tried to gently push him toward getting professional help...

He did a detox program, AA and quickly relapsed, and...

Years ago, before the situation was nearly as bad as...

Unfortunately, that time has come and I'm at the point...

My brother called me on a MANY occasions while in...

On 4-5 occasions over the course of the past few...

He is much stronger than I am and at times...

I also took him home last weekend after making him...

We made him a proper homemade meal and tried to...

While we were sleeping, he walked to the convenience store,...

threw stuff around and damaged some of the drywall and...

I went to try to help and he was belligerent...

I feel like being 2h30 away from him and given...

Also, his constant calls where I have to suffer through...

I no longer want to see him in person until...

We usually end up talking for an hour every week,...

He's alone now and I worry about what will happen....

What do you think of this story?





HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.

mdthomas You can't help someone who doesn't want to be...

Cryptographer_Alone NTA: Until your brother wants to change and is...

nothing you do will likely do anything more than enable...

your wife and any children you might have now or...

kendrickshalamar They should not be made unsafe in their home...

What a huge burden you have. It's not your fault...

PurpleToad1976 They carried that burden for too long too.: He's...

he's looking for someone to enable his bad behavior.

Nothing about him will change until everyone stops enabling him...

Danube_Kitty At that point he might be ready to take...

You are not abadoning him. You have just stopped enabling...

Mean-Impress2103 is your brother.: Nta and I'm going to be...

You aren't abandoning your brother you just aren't enabling him...

Support is exactly what you are doing,

talking to him regularly and being willing to pay for...

ivyjade42 Sigh.

My father-in-law pulled this on my husband in regards to...

Second, as others have said - you can't help someone...

You taking a**se from him won't help him and just...

Ok-Equipment-8771 You need to think of your familys' mental health...

someone who has one illness never mind multiple illnesses (addictions...

You are not letting your mother down, she would not...

You can be there for him but refuse to accept...

journeyintopressure his illnesses do not give him the freedon: NTA.

You are not abandoning your brother, you are setting boundaries....

n0budd33 He needs to take responsibility for his actions. he's...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many readers sympathize with the original poster’s difficult family situation. The consensus seems to be that while the brother’s struggles with addiction and behavioral issues are heartbreaking, enabling his destructive habits only perpetuates the cycle. Commenters suggest that tough love, professional intervention, and setting firm boundaries might be necessary for any chance of real change, even if it’s painful for the family.

In my opinion, this story highlights the complex nature of supporting a loved one with addiction and mental health challenges. It’s a harsh reminder that love alone sometimes isn’t enough; accountability and seeking proper help are crucial. While the family’s intentions are understandable, it may be time for them to prioritize their own well-being and encourage the brother to take responsibility for his life if there’s hope for recovery.

Ankit

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