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UPDATE: AITAH for being upset with my husband for saying he would choose his deceased wife over me?

by Alex Johnson
October 16, 2025
in Relationships
Reading Time: 13 mins read
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In the quiet aftermath of a devastating loss, a woman bravely confronts the raw emotions simmering beneath the surface of her marriage. With a heart heavy yet open, she seeks to bridge the painful gap left by the memory of a first love, hoping to transform grief into understanding.

Amidst tears and heartfelt words, two souls navigate the fragile terrain of love, loss, and acceptance. Their conversation is a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the enduring power of compassion to heal even the deepest wounds.

UPDATE: AITAH for being upset with my husband for saying he would choose his deceased wife over me?

Original post: https: //www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/S0MXUNWxTj This may be a long one...

May still try to read and reply to them many...

My husband is 6'3 and almost 250lbs. He had eaten...

I asked him to let me go first and to...

Just a rough sketch of how things went (I also...

Without mentioning I posted about this of course) Me: "I...

She died and it was something neither of you saw...

I do understand that if she hadn't pa*sed, we likely...

But to say what you said hurt my feelings and...

It was probably one of the worst things anyone has...

It is clear your feelings about her are still raw...

Teared up and said how he did not mean to...

He basically said that he thought about it before he...

He loved her and she died. His feelings are also...

Also said that he would never leave me and the...

That he was not thinking clearly and when he said...

I know. I shouldn't have said it. I wouldn't be...

I should've apologized in front of everyone as soon as...

Hey, (children's names) if my dead wife walked through the...

After some silence (I had no idea what to say...

He says he doesn't know. I didn't answer his question...

And if the answer is no, I am not interested...

I need to know if he is willing to make...

Because if he were to dismiss my feelings or not...

Some of the comments also told me to take the...

I've got a very young daughter and a son that...

He suggested he sleep on the couch instead of me....

Family and friends jump to judge too fast and sometimes...

I told him that it seems like whatever counseling he...

With trauma like that, I personally would've been in counseling...

He was only in it for about a year and...

Kept telling me he loved me all day. It was...

It was like he would try to say something and...

there's nothing to really do except talk, so we talked...

So I just told him he could pick something up...

Realized he must feel very bad because he noticed I...

Just doing my usual tasks, but not speaking or eating...

During dinner, he told me that he looked for counselors...

Last stretch... After all of that, I told him that...

And then maybe we can move forward, but this is...

I think he is still hurting from her death and...

A man that doesn't love me probably would've made me...

Cried about it. Thought of my children. Cried more. I'm...

We were also very close. Some people were asking how...

Maybe to see if he settled? He was always very...

When we first started dating, he would plan dates, surprise...

Unless it was just very poor brain and mouth coordination!...

But I think he needs it more than I do!...

If I do get one, it's because I don't want...

Some people in the comments were very nasty to me....

Some of you are very mean and very nasty individuals...

Thank you all for your kind words and support! I've...

Three people (there were nine people there not including us)....

They can't believe he said that, they feel bad for...

He showed me some of the texts with him and...

Basically telling him he wasn't necessarily wrong for thinking that,...

And that I wasn't angry with him and didn't want...

But I was just hurt and needed him to know...

If you have any. I tried to answer some of...

What do you think of this story?





AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.

1_BigDuckEnergy I had a close friend who lost her husband...

got past it. The things is they (and likely your...

they never really face real world struggles of financial stress,...

ie, they never experienced the stress of "real" long term...

there is no way to win that.

It wasn't until she got real counseling that she was...

partners by. All things being equal, it certainly sounds like...

Responsible-Bug5254 Best of Luck: I really think you need to...

Salty_Contributions Speaking for myself, this would make me insecure.: I...

It's not about being angry or jealous either,

I think you can feel hurt from something like this...

ErinStahr One thing that stuck out to me in this...

" As a formerly a**sed wife (we're divorced now,) I...

If you stay in this marriage I hope you do...

but if he ever says something like this again and...

Dull-Penalty-5272 I'm glad to know you were able to at...

feelings is already a huge step) I'm glad to know...

I'm sure he's struggling a lot with the loss and...

Glad to know you guys are on the road to...

SpecialistDinner3677 I am a widow. My perspective is from that...

I loved my husband, we were together a long time...

I have not felt the need to have another relationship...

Into a recollection, a warm feeling. Think a really spectacular...

but would not prevent you from embracing a new vacation...

Grief over a well loved spouse/partner does not take up...

anymore than the concept of loving only ONE of your...

You should NOT have to accept or a*sume in his...

He has implied to you even before the statement at...

I worry about that because it is not fair to...

If he is unable to process his grief you deserve...

You are a unique experience to embrace and experience and...

His mental health journey is his responsibility and yours is...

Quiet-Hamster6509 The biggest thing I took away from this was...

did you ask him if he is actually in love...

Personally it sounds like he moved on with his life...

I still feel like you're the place holder. Sorry to...

Gamadeus Ha I just read the original and the update...

Honestly thanks for sharing this whole thing. My only question...

Like maybe "idk" is a valid answer, and maybe it's...

but I mean I guess one day you'll just wake...

Like I think counseling sounds like a great idea but...

But I was just curious if you have a different...

Sparklingwine23 Your family therapist may want to do an individual...

that may help you decide if you want to pursue...

I think you're taking a measured path that will hopefully...

Nuicakes Please update us in a few weeks. I do...

You mention how romantic, caring and sweet he is to...

caring and sweet because he loves you and the kids,...

I didn't think it would help me but it does...

He will often say something that will start to get...

the air. UpdateMe!

After reading through the Reddit post and the flood of comments, it’s clear that this story touched a lot of people. The heartfelt conversation between the couple, where they openly shared their feelings and acknowledged each other’s grief, resonated deeply. Many commenters appreciated the husband’s honesty and the wife’s empathy, highlighting the importance of communication and understanding in relationships, especially when dealing with complex emotions related to past loves and loss.

In my opinion, this story is a powerful reminder that grief can manifest in unexpected ways and that healing often requires patience and compassion from both partners. The couple’s willingness to listen without judgment and to validate each other’s feelings sets a strong example for anyone navigating similar emotional challenges. Ultimately, love and acceptance can create a space where both partners feel safe to express their vulnerabilities and grow together.

Alex Johnson

Alex is an expert in finance and often shares tips on managing personal money.

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