The original poster (OP) recently discovered a devastating secret: her husband had been unfaithful to her on two separate occasions while she was pregnant. Prior to this discovery three months ago, the OP believed they had a very happy marriage, and she still acknowledges that her husband is a good father to their two daughters, who are currently 14 and 16 years old.
The immediate aftermath has centered on the daughters, who are strongly against the idea of their parents divorcing. They have threatened to cease all contact with the OP if she proceeds with ending the marriage, citing their desire to avoid upheaval. The OP is now struggling deeply, unable to look at her husband, and finding that counseling is ineffective against the family’s united opposition. Her central dilemma is whether to prioritize her own emotional well-being and leave the marriage or remain for the sake of her daughters’ continued relationship with her.
I told my daughters that I was moving on with the separation anyway
In the field of family dynamics, Dr. Jordan Bennett is known for noting, “When infidelity strikes, the resulting loss of trust often creates an irreparable fissure in the primary adult partnership, regardless of the children’s age or stated desires.”
The OP’s situation highlights a severe conflict between spousal needs and parental responsibilities. Her husband’s actions caused the initial crisis, but the daughters are now imposing a form of emotional coercion by using their presence as leverage against divorce. This places the OP in an untenable position often related to ‘boundary erosion,’ where her needs are entirely subordinated to the perceived stability of others.
While the daughters’ fear of change is valid—adolescents are highly sensitive to disruption—their threat to cut off contact is a common, albeit immature, coping mechanism for overwhelming stress. The fact that therapy is failing suggests the foundation of trust between the OP and her husband is gone, and attempting to force reconciliation only prolongs the pain for all parties, especially the OP. A path forward might involve temporary, professional separation to allow each party—OP, husband, and daughters—to process the betrayal individually before attempting any further structured family mediation.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The OP is in a position of deep emotional distress, torn between the betrayal she experienced and the severe ultimatum issued by her daughters. While she understands their wish for stability and their fear of change, her ability to continue the marriage has completely broken down, rendering therapy unsuccessful.
The core question facing the reader is how to balance parental obligations and the desire for family unity against the fundamental need for personal integrity and freedom from a toxic situation. Should the OP sacrifice her future happiness to maintain a relationship with her children, or pursue separation despite the certainty of losing contact with them for the foreseeable future?
