The original poster (OP) and their significant other (SO) have allowed the OP’s brother-in-law (BIL) to stay at their home while he and his wife try to sell their house. This arrangement has been going on for six months, during which the BIL has been paying a small amount for room and board.
The main issue involves the BIL’s wife (Tina), who has been staying at the home for half of every month as a guest. Tina has a history of causing hygienic issues, specifically by having ‘accidents’ on decorative pillows. After witnessing her soil a pillow with bodily fluids again and then intentionally sit on the furniture partially bare-bottomed while wearing a soiled nightgown, the OP reached a breaking point regarding sanitation and respect for their property.
AITA for asking my roommates wife to wear bottoms around the house
In the field of social dynamics, Dr. Cameron Bailey is known for noting, ‘Boundaries are not walls built to keep people out; they are lines drawn to define what is acceptable within shared spaces.’ This situation clearly illustrates a massive failure in respecting established, even if unspoken, boundaries regarding shared living spaces and personal hygiene.
The behavior displayed by Tina moves far beyond typical guest discomfort and enters the territory of willful disregard for the hosts’ health and property. When bodily fluids are involved, the host’s responsibility for maintaining a safe and sanitary environment supersedes the guest’s right to privacy regarding their personal habits. The OP’s actions of cleaning up the mess and disposing of the ruined items show an attempt to manage the situation privately, but the guest’s subsequent actions indicate a lack of accountability.
While offering incontinence pads might seem like a functional solution, it is a highly passive-aggressive move that bypasses the necessary conversation. A professional approach would involve the OP and their SO sitting down with the BIL (the primary resident) to clearly state that the current living arrangement cannot continue unless fundamental standards of cleanliness are met, including wearing appropriate undergarments while in the home. The focus needs to shift from managing the symptoms (soiled items) to confronting the unacceptable behavior directly.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
The original poster is dealing with a severe breach of household boundaries related to hygiene and property damage caused by a long-term guest. The OP feels disgusted and disrespected by the guest’s behavior, especially after attempting to address the issue indirectly with the BIL, leading to the current dilemma of how to enforce basic cleanliness standards.
The central conflict is whether the OP is justified in taking drastic, potentially embarrassing measures to stop the unsanitary conduct, or if direct confrontation about the behavior itself is the only appropriate next step. Is the OP wrong for considering providing incontinence supplies, or is the guest’s behavior so unacceptable that direct intervention is necessary?
