The Original Poster (OP) and her fiancé had been together for five years and were scheduled to get married in just two weeks. All arrangements, including the venue, the dress, and guests traveling from out of town, were finalized for the wedding.
The situation changed after the fiancé’s bachelor party weekend in Las Vegas. Upon his return, the fiancé acted strangely, leading the OP to suspect something was wrong. After initial denials, he admitted to sleeping with a stripper, claiming he was blackout drunk and that the act was unintentional. The OP is now questioning whether she was wrong to call off the wedding due to this admitted infidelity.
AITAH for not forgiving my fiancé for his “Drunken Slip-Up” before our wedding?
In the field of relationship dynamics, Dr. Finley Powell is known for noting, “Responsibility is the bedrock of trust; shifting blame, even under duress, indicates a failure to prioritize partnership integrity over self-preservation.”
The fiancé’s defense mechanism—attributing the act entirely to being ‘blackout drunk’ and blaming the situation—is a common strategy to mitigate immediate consequences without fully internalizing the violation of boundaries. While alcohol may lower inhibitions, it does not erase agency, especially when immediate actions following the event (avoiding eye contact, excessive affection) suggest an awareness of wrongdoing. Furthermore, the immediate support from his friends and the minimizing advice from the future mother-in-law highlight a collective failure to acknowledge the severity of infidelity in the context of an impending marriage commitment.
The OP’s reaction is a clear demonstration of establishing necessary personal boundaries. Trust, once severely damaged, requires significant, consistent, and proactive effort to rebuild, and it is reasonable for her to doubt that effort can be achieved when the foundational confession already includes blame-shifting. Forging ahead now would likely establish a precedent that severe transgressions can be excused by intoxication, leading to resentment later. The recommendation is to stand by the decision until a prolonged, genuine commitment to individual accountability and couples therapy demonstrates a concrete shift in the fiancé’s approach to responsibility.
AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.
The OP is grappling with a significant breach of trust following her fiancé’s admission of cheating, which he attributed to extreme intoxication and external pressures. Her core conflict lies between accepting his apology and the potential long-term viability of a marriage built on a foundation where such a severe boundary violation occurred and was excused by external factors.
Given the proximity to the wedding and the fundamental nature of the betrayal, the central question remains: Is the OP justified in refusing to forgive this “drunken slip-up” and proceeding with the decision to call off the marriage, or should she reconsider forgiveness in light of his immediate remorse and offers for amends?
