The original poster (OP) is making plans to travel across the country for the holidays, with an arrival time set for 6:00 PM on Christmas Eve to attend Christmas dinner at their sister’s husband’s family house.
The host family subsequently asked the OP to bring dessert for everyone, but the OP declined because of the long travel schedule. Following this refusal, the family responded by stating that everyone else was bringing food, which made the OP question if they were wrong for not planning to bring an item given the demanding travel circumstances.
AITAH for saying I can’t bring food to a party after traveling across the country?
In the field of interpersonal dynamics, Dr. Elliot Carter is known for noting, “When accommodating social obligations, the effort required must be reasonably balanced against the stated constraints of all involved parties.”
The core issue here revolves around managing expectations, especially during high-stress periods like holiday travel. The host family appears to be operating under a general assumption that all guests contribute, failing to adequately recognize the unique burden placed on the OP, who is arriving late after significant travel. While bringing a contribution is common courtesy, demanding one from someone arriving at 6:00 PM on Christmas Eve after traveling across the country indicates a lack of consideration for the OP’s logistical constraints.
The family’s response, “everyone else is bringing food,” suggests they might feel the OP is making a choice rather than adhering to a necessity. A more reasonable path forward would have been for the hosts to either assign simpler, local tasks or to expressly excuse the traveling guest from contribution duties when the travel difficulty was known.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
The original poster is positioned between acknowledging the family’s expectation for a contribution to the meal and justifying their inability to comply due to the highly restrictive travel schedule that places them arriving right before dinner.
Is the OP in the wrong for refusing to source a dessert when arriving late after a cross-country trip, or is the expectation unreasonable given the timing and distance of their travel?
