The user, a 16-year-old male, became dissatisfied with the quality and healthiness of the school lunches provided throughout the last year. Because of this, he decided in December to start preparing his own packed lunches after the Christmas break, a decision his parents initially supported.
The situation escalated when his mother asked him in April to also prepare lunches for his three younger siblings, which he refused, citing their lack of respect for his personal boundaries. After weeks of arguing, his mother insisted he prepare lunches for everyone when school resumed in August, threatening to restrict his access to household food if he did not comply, leading him to decide he would stop making his own lunch altogether, which resulted in further conflict with his parents. He now questions if he is in the wrong for his stance.
AITA for being so against making my siblings packed lunch for school that I won’t make mine anymore?
As family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner states, “When we don’t set boundaries, we get resentment, and resentment is a clear signal that something needs to change in the way we are interacting with another person.”
The situation illustrates a common dynamic where parental expectations regarding family contribution clash with a teenager’s developing need for autonomy and personal space. The OP’s decision to start making his own lunch was an act of self-care, which is commendable. However, the mother’s demand to extend this labor to siblings, especially when the siblings exhibit boundary-crossing behaviors (entering his room, taking his things), acts as a negative reinforcement loop. The OP is effectively being asked to provide emotional and physical labor (making meals) for individuals who do not respect him, making his refusal an attempt to enforce boundaries where other methods (like parental intervention) have failed. The mother incorrectly frames the issue as one of respect for her authority rather than addressing the underlying sibling behavior or validating the OP’s labor.
The father seems to recognize the boundary issue, while the mother dismisses it, possibly due to her own family history (“oldest kid problems”). While restricting access to food purchased for the household is a significant escalation, the OP’s refusal to perform the requested labor is an appropriate response to having his boundaries repeatedly ignored. Moving forward, the OP should clearly communicate that he is willing to continue preparing his own lunches, but any expectation of providing meals for others must be tied to mutual respect being established by the parents for his personal space and property.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The original poster (OP) is feeling pressured by his mother to extend the service of preparing his preferred healthy lunches to his siblings, which directly conflicts with his desire to maintain personal boundaries against his siblings’ disrespectful behavior towards him.
The core question is whether the OP is justified in refusing this additional domestic labor as a response to his siblings’ boundary violations, or if his mother is correct in framing his refusal as selfishness and a lack of respect toward her as a parent.
