The user (OP) details a nearly year-long relationship with a 33-year-old man, noting that issues arose early regarding sexual satisfaction and financial contributions to contraception. From the first few sexual encounters, the OP found sex unenjoyable due to the partner’s quick orgasm and inadequate foreplay, characterized by dry humping and poor positioning.
Despite the OP’s attempts to offer gentle, positive guidance on foreplay and technique, the partner reportedly stopped performing oral sex and fingering. He later began pulling out just before climaxing, which extended the duration but made the experience frustrating and not genuinely pleasurable for the OP. Feeling dissatisfied and tired of the routine, the OP faced a confrontation when the partner complained about always having to buy condoms.
aita for telling my boyfriend sex with him sucks
As renowned relationship therapist Esther Perel explains, “Sex is a conversation. It’s a language we speak with our bodies.” This situation highlights a severe breakdown in that communication, where one partner’s physical needs and feedback are being ignored or met with defensiveness, which then spills over into financial disagreements.
The partner’s behavior—complaining about the cost of condoms after the OP provided constructive, gentle feedback on sexual performance (which he subsequently ignored)—suggests an issue of emotional labor and entitlement. When the OP attempted to improve the sex by sending scientific information on techniques like kegels and edging, the lack of engagement suggests a resistance to self-improvement for the sake of shared pleasure. His complaint about buying condoms, followed by the snarky retort about his exes, frames contraception as a transactional cost rather than a shared responsibility for a mutually desired activity.
The OP’s stance, “why in the world would I pay for condoms to have sex I don’t even enjoy,” is a direct, albeit heated, assertion of her boundaries regarding sexual reciprocity. While the OP’s emotional response was intense, her position on not paying for non-pleasurable sex has merit when coupled with unaddressed performance and technique issues. A constructive approach moving forward would be to decouple the financial discussion from the performance discussion. The OP should clearly state that while she is willing to discuss sharing contraceptive costs generally, that conversation cannot move forward until there is a genuine, collaborative effort to address the fundamental issues of foreplay and duration.
AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.
The central conflict revolves around the OP feeling obligated to contribute financially to sex that she finds consistently unsatisfying, while the partner insists on dividing responsibility for contraception costs despite his performance issues. The OP is emotionally frustrated, evidenced by her ‘seething quiet’ anger, because she feels the financial demand disregards her lack of pleasure.
The core question is whether the partner’s insistence on splitting the cost of condoms is fair when he allegedly refuses to adapt his technique to ensure mutual enjoyment. Should the OP be expected to pay for contraception for sex that does not meet her basic needs, or is the financial contribution separate from the quality of the sexual experience?
