The user, who is 11 weeks postpartum from their second child and 21 months postpartum from their first, reports significant weight gain after both pregnancies, totaling nearly 100 pounds. She is struggling to adjust her diet and metabolism following the changes from pregnancy, noting she previously maintained a weight of 145 pounds easily.
Her husband has responded to her physical changes with constant harsh remarks and jokes about her weight. Examples include mocking her need for space in the small kitchen and previously calling her a derogatory nickname related to a whale. When the user eventually retaliated by calling him ‘little dick’ after growing tired of the abuse, the husband became shut down and unresponsive, leading the user to question if her reaction was wrong.
AITAH for calling my husband little dick?
As relationship therapist Esther Perel states, “Relationships are not about finding someone you can live with; it’s about finding the one you can’t live without.” This often requires navigating difficult emotional realities, including how partners treat each other during vulnerability, such as during postpartum recovery.
The husband’s behavior constitutes emotional harassment, using body shaming, which is often disguised as ‘just joking’ to avoid accountability for inflicting pain. This pattern erodes self-esteem and trust. The user’s retaliation, while understandable from an emotional standpoint of evening the score (‘two wrongs don’t make a right’), is ultimately an escalatory communication breakdown. Instead of addressing the root issue—the husband’s unacceptable behavior—she adopted his tactic, shifting the focus from his original abuse to her reactive response.
From a psychological perspective, the user’s action was a desperate attempt to make the husband feel the impact of his words. However, it derailed productive conflict resolution. For future situations, the user should focus on setting clear, non-negotiable boundaries regarding respectful communication, perhaps stating clearly, ‘When you make comments about my body, it makes me feel worthless. I need you to stop immediately,’ rather than engaging in tit-for-tat insults.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The user is expressing deep frustration and hurt stemming from two years of consistent, negative commentary about her body from her husband, especially during a vulnerable postpartum period. Her action of retaliation—using a deeply personal insult—was a direct response to feeling attacked and invalidated, even though she acknowledges that two wrongs do not make a right.
The central conflict lies between the user’s justifiable need for respect and her husband’s use of humor to mask cruelty versus her decision to fight back with a similarly hurtful tactic. The question for debate is whether the user is at fault (the asshole) for reciprocating the hurtful behavior by calling her husband ‘little dick,’ given the prolonged pattern of emotional abuse she endured regarding her weight.
