The original poster (OP) is currently in a trial separation with her soon-to-be ex-husband while they are co-parenting their toddler. The primary issue stems from the father’s repeated failure to pick up the child from daycare on time during his custodial weeks.
This pattern of late pickups, occurring eight times, resulted in repeated calls to the OP from an increasingly frustrated daycare, leading to late fees and threats of involving authorities or Child Protective Services (CPS). After the father was an hour late and met the child with police present due to the OP instructing the daycare to call CPS, the father accused the OP of being cruel for ‘abandoning’ their child, leading the OP to question if escalating the situation was the right decision.
AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare?
As family systems expert Dr. Terri Givens explains, “When parental relationships break down, clear, enforceable boundaries—especially those related to the safety and routine of the children—must be established and maintained, even if they cause immediate discomfort.”
The OP’s decision to contact CPS after repeated warnings aligns with the principle of establishing firm boundaries necessary for the child’s welfare. Both parents hold high-paying jobs, suggesting they have the resources to arrange backup care. The OP proactively adjusted her schedule, working reduced hours to ensure reliable care on her days. In contrast, the STBXhusband made no adjustments, relying on the OP as a predictable emergency fallback despite the separation. When the father’s unreliability risked the child being expelled from the facility, the OP’s final action was a necessary step to force him to address his behavior, prioritizing the long-term stability of the child’s care arrangement over his immediate anger.
The OP’s actions were appropriate in demonstrating the seriousness of the situation, though perhaps emotionally taxing for her. For future instances, a constructive approach would involve documenting all previous warnings and clearly communicating that any future failure to meet scheduled pickups will result in immediate third-party intervention (like a pre-arranged emergency sitter or agency pickup) rather than relying solely on the threat of CPS, which can be a heavier-handed intervention.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The central conflict revolves around the OP enforcing necessary boundaries regarding childcare responsibilities during the separation, contrasted with the father’s apparent lack of adjustment to his solo parenting duties, which places the burden of his failures onto the daycare and, ultimately, the OP.
Given that the father’s unreliability repeatedly jeopardized their standing with the daycare and involved authorities, was the OP justified in allowing the daycare to proceed with calling CPS as a final measure to force accountability, or did this action cause undue stress and harm to their toddler caught in the middle?
