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AITA for telling my husband to get over his dead mother?

by Michael Lee
October 22, 2025
in Relationships
Reading Time: 9 mins read
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In the silent aftermath of loss, a marriage teeters on the brink of collapse. She stands alone, a fragile pillar holding together the shattered pieces of the man she once knew, watching helplessly as grief consumes him and their love fades into a distant memory.

Every day becomes a battle against despair and isolation, her heart breaking with each unspoken word and every unmet plea for help. In the shadow of sorrow, she fights to save their bond, even as it slips further away, leaving her to wonder if love alone can heal a fractured soul.

AITA for telling my husband to get over his dead mother?

I know that the t*tle sounds horrible, but please listen...

Last June (around 11 months ago), Andy's mother pa*sed away...

I tried my best to stay strong for him and...

Andy stayed at home all day, quit his job and...

Intimacy was long gone and Andy rarely talked to me....

It broke my heart to see the man I love...

I tiredly asked him to *please* clean it up, but...

" Andy looked at me like I was crazy, and...

" I apologised, but told him to look at himself...

I don't need you scolding me at the hardest point...

I'll admit - what I said was horrible. It was...

I feel so alone every minute of the day. AITA?

What do you think of this story?





REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.

LoverzTribe NTA why because life must go on,

grief is okay and necessary but it is not okay...

If in human history we stopped living when someone died...

We all experience significant loss at some point in our...

Could you have said it better MAYBE...

But to me it sounds like you have given him...

consider. It's been almost a year,

no job, not cleaning up after himself, no therapy and...

It is now likely a medical issue and that is...

You are as much a human being in this as...

He needs to get help and I wish I could...

Maybe try explaining that this is not a healthy response...

It may not work and then you have to decide...

greekadjacent ugh- what a hard situation. He clearly needs some...

I think it's time to tell him ( when you...

help. He is likely in a deep depression and he...

If he doesn't he will not only have lost his...

I am sure she wouldn't want to see him siting...

I would get the information for a couple of them...

So, while what you said was a little " a*sholey"...

OpinionatedTradWife NTA I lost my father (also suddenly,

heart attack out of nowhere) whom I was very close...

but *ELEVEN MONTHS?!?!

* "Get over your dead mother" was definitely not the...

husband definitely needs to get over himself and his misery....

She would be heartbroken over the way he's acting (if...

only a complete narcissist would be happy their kid was...

You know what the hardest part about losing my father...

Realizing my father would never get to meet my children......

Realizing he wouldn't be there for big moments, important moments......

That I had to pick myself up and carry on...

Things that still hurt when I think about them now...

Your husband has avoided this moment because as much as...

it.

Darwina1226 NTA What you said was inappropriate based on how...

and overly emotional. That said,

this man has refused to engage in any activities to...

Of course you're tired, of course you're burnt out. You...

chef, bread-winner, bill payer, therapist, or any of the other...

You're also not the only person who is required to...

If it were me, I'd make tentative financial plans to...

In the interim, have your final chat with him about...

And give him a reasonable time frame to set it...

justacuriousposter You have a right to happiness. EDIT: Typos: NTA...

But quitting a job and not getting another one almost...

consistently not engaging in intimacy, is not fair to you....

bread winner, and emotional care taker. I would ask anyone...

smb76 Just curious, if the husband were single, would he...

fairymascot ESH. Yes,

it was a bad thing to say, but him completely...

of everything in your joint life? While showing no intention...

Knkstriped you cannot be expected to put up with this...

for making you shoulder all the burdens of running a...

not be grieving any more, instead of addressing *how* he...

Alarming_Paper_8357 NTA - you've been supporting him for a year,

and he is just spiraling into a deeper and deeper...

because he has demonstrated that he simply cannot find his...

His anger at you is a function of his anger...

People grieve differently, but this is not a healthy grief...

which is hard to get a handle on once someone...

You're right - he DOES need to take some steps...

His mother would be horrified at what has happened to...

I think it would be helpful if you went to...

your husband, what triggers to avoid and most importantly, how...

The fact that you lashed out at him is a...

You are ent*tled to feel worried, abandoned and stressed at...

WIBTA5000 And maybe this is a wake-up call that change...

I was on the fence because the words you chose...

With no light at the end of the tunnel? He...

Yes, grief has no time limit, but that does not...

You've been soft, kind, loving, and it's gotten you nowhere.

Sometimes people need something like this to wake them up...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many empathize deeply with OP’s struggle to support her husband through his depression while feeling neglected and overwhelmed. People understand that grief and mental health issues can drastically change relationships, and they commend her for her patience and efforts. However, commenters also stress the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing when a partner’s unwillingness to seek help becomes emotionally damaging to the other spouse.

In my opinion, this story highlights how crucial communication and self-care are during such difficult times. While Andy’s depression is a legitimate challenge, OP deserves support and respect too. It’s vital for both partners to seek professional help—whether individually or together—to navigate such pain and prevent the relationship from deteriorating further. Ultimately, love alone may not be enough to sustain a partnership without mutual effort and healing.

Michael Lee

Michael is a tech enthusiast sharing insights on software development and gadgets.

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