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AITA for not wanting to be involved in my foster daughter’s life?

by Alex Johnson
October 23, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 13 mins read
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In the quiet shadows of a fractured past, a family opened their hearts and home to Sally, a young girl scarred by trauma and seeking refuge. They embraced her as one of their own, striving to heal wounds unseen and create a sanctuary of love and understanding despite the lingering pain and unpredictable challenges that surfaced.

But the fragile threads of trust were tested when boundaries were crossed, exposing raw vulnerabilities and forcing difficult confrontations. In the face of confusion and fear, they chose courage and compassion, navigating the delicate path of protection and healing, determined to hold their family together against the storm.

AITA for not wanting to be involved in my foster daughter’s life?

Me (55f) and my husband (55m) have 2 biological children...

We knew she came from a background of being s*xually...

But of course still did our best to help her...

A couple times my husband thought she was flirting with...

Then when she was 17 she approached him and touched...

He immediately shut that down and she apologized and after...

didn't know what she was thinking. We then started having...

You would think we'd contact the social worker and get...

best not to disrupt things too much for her last...

One day when she was 20 and back home on...

she approached my husband while he was in the kitchen...

He came and got me and we told her she...

we told her she would not be welcome in our...

and we would still be cordial if we ever saw...

After that, we would rarely see Sally because she kept...

and I didn't want her to lose that support system....

A couple of days ago, Sally called and asked if...

We agreed and yesterday we met with her and her...

She opened up and started explaining her childhood and how...

their dads. With my husband being nice to her and...

It was a long conversation and I'm not gonna get...

what she did and has been doing a lot of...

After a lot of crying on both parts,

she said that she and her husband were pregnant and...

My husband told her he forgave her a long time...

I just feel like overall too much has happened and...

Her husband got kind of mad at me and said...

I said I 100% agree and I'm very proud of...

but I think we're both comfortable with where we are...

but I wish her nothing but the best and will...

Afterwards my husband told me he thinks that I was...

" And he said "we've had 10 years of space....

I think we should all move on, but I don't...

I know I'm acting selfishly out of interest of my...

So AITA for saying me and my husband shouldn't get...

⁠I'm actually surprised my husband wants to give her another...

After the 2nd incident he wanted to go completely no...

to cut her off. But I thought that was the...

but after that told her that would be the last...

I didn't think it'd be best to tell them what...

"conversation every few months. 3. ⁠Before the 1st incident when...

Looking back now I feel like this could've possibly been...

After that we stopped talking about adoption to let the...

I feel like all this also adds to her request...

the grandparents so it's like she wants that relationship that...

The reason me and husband started fostering is because we...

And I feel like in part we did that, we...

And when she finished we helped her get set up...

After that we stopped contact and decided to our separate...

And I thank god she stayed on the right track...

I just don't know if this should be one of...

Part of me is like what if she has actually...

like maybe she just wants to be loved and another...

What do you think of this story?





THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.

Pretzelmamma NAH. If you're not comfortable with it then don't...

It's understandable that she'd want some parental figures in her...

if you can get past it then it would be...

This may sound a bit harsh but you don't owe...

5 years? It's nice when foster parents maintain a lifelong...

Lopsided_Put4682 Reading the post I got the impression that only...

wrong. I could be gullible,

but I'd have tried to move on, especially considering how...

placing clear boundaries and communicating with you. That being said...

because I don't know what you feel when you look...

something you can really control with logic.

FEEGLE_FERRETS When you grow up with a**se you normalise it...

often when it doesn't happen you push to make it...

Also those who grow up with a**se, especially s*xual, you...

confusing intimacy with affection and acceptance or even love and...

I grew up with a**se and it has took me...

when you are trained, programmed, brainwashed from a very young...

whilst I'd say you're not the AH, I would suggest...

especially as she knows what the consequences of such behaviour...

i would take time to think things over before making...

KABS85 this situation.: NAH - Rock, meet hard place. Talk...

There is no right answer in a situation like this,...

YomiKuzuki That poor woman had her entire concept of family...

You didn't know that at the time, and neither of...

Trauma and learned behaviors from child s*x a**se can last...

You aren't exactly comfortable with your husband being around her...

while needing to view them through the lens of her...

There's no one walking away happy. I hope you can...

savage_blue_isaac Edit: spelling: As a former foster kid whose foster...

I can see both sides of this.

I can see why she would want you guys to...

And she could more than likely still use that same...

Not that it's your job to do so, but even...

But on your side, I can see why you wouldn't...

Because even the smallest chance that that could happen again...

So I also don't feel like calling you TA is...

But tbh idk where I would be without the support...

Wanda_McMimzy That poor girl Late_Statistician582: i work with kids with

special needs & kids in foster care and this behavior...

in fact,

i don't think i've ever worked with a kid who...

kids or complete other end of spectrum where they are...

they are just looking for love, and they think that...

please remember she was a traumatized and a**sed child victim...

you signed up to love her unconditionally, knowing she comes...

now that she is an adult she can fully grasp...

her. it sounds like she is remorseful and fully understands...

i truly hope you can go to counseling and work...

as i can't imagine the pain she's going through feeling...

i just can't imagine holding a trauma response against a...

especially as i've seen that this is a very common...

there is lots of scientific literature on the subject which...

amirosa3 If it were me, i'd give it a chance.

Your foster daughter displayed textbook signs of childhood s*xual a**se....

i am not in the least surprised that she did...

She came to you now, reaching out for support and...

loving parents shes ever known. I would take steps to...

he is never alone with her perhaps, but i would...

She is about to have kids, she wants/needs a mom/parents...

Infinite-Most-8356 i feel like no one is TA in this...

and also kudos for her for going to therapy and...

It wasn't her fault that what she was teached as...

but you are also NTA because it is perfectly fine...

go back and having any relationship with the person if...

an apology and forgiveness doesn't automatically ent*tle the person to...

family placement or more intensive care, but we decided instead to focus on ensuring a safe environment at home and addressing the issue privately. Over time, Sally continued therapy and the family worked hard to maintain boundaries and support her healing. Despite the initial breach of trust, they tried to foster an atmosphere of understanding and care, hoping that with professional help and clear limits, the situation would improve.

Reading through the Reddit comments, many people emphasize the importance of protecting everyone’s boundaries and the necessity of involving professionals and social services immediately in such cases. It’s clear that while the family’s intentions were good, some readers feel that more decisive action might have been warranted to prevent further issues. Ultimately, this story highlights the complexities and challenges of fostering children with traumatic backgrounds, reminding us that safety, transparency, and professional guidance are crucial in these delicate situations.

Alex Johnson

Alex is an expert in finance and often shares tips on managing personal money.

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