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AITA for refusing to pay for a coat i chucked because it was left at my house for months.

by Emily Davis
October 28, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 5 mins read
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In the fragile web of friendship, misunderstandings can cut deeper than words. A 22-year-old woman struggles to navigate the emotional maze with her friend Belle, whose feelings are tangled in pain, past wounds, and a complicated history of hurt and loyalty. The silent battles of autism and miscommunication collide with raw emotions, leaving cracks where trust once lived.

Their story is a poignant reminder of how fragile bonds can shatter in moments of confusion and hurt, especially when one tries to explain but feels unheard. In the aftermath of a heated argument, both are left grappling with blame, regret, and the painful question of whether friendship can survive the wounds that words have inflicted.

AITA for refusing to pay for a coat i chucked because it was left at my house for months.

I've never really wrote on reddit before but i just...

had been on the rocks with out friendship for awhile,...

a couple days ago we had a huge argument about...

) i tried to explain and defend myself but she...

i said i only check in once in awhile since...

(she had a thing with my brother out of spite...

fast forwarding to today. she texted me again. "i left...

i thought it was one of my old coats considering...

) so i chucked it in a charity bag with...

she got MAD and started to demand i pay her...

leaving something you apparently care about so much at someone...

you no no longer want that coat, i had forgotten...

As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” This situation illustrates a breakdown in boundary setting, both in the initial friendship dynamic and in the handling of the property dispute following the argument.

The OP’s motivation for donating the coat appears rooted in frustration and a desire to enforce a boundary regarding personal belongings that had been neglected for nearly seven months. Her disclosure about her autism highlights a potential communication barrier that might have contributed to the initial textual conflict with her friend, Belle. Belle’s behavior—self-victimization, name-calling, and immediately blocking the OP—suggests poor conflict resolution skills and an attempt to control the situation through withdrawal and accusation. When Belle later demanded the coat back, she was attempting to re-engage on her own terms without resolving the prior conflict. The OP’s action of donating the coat, while understandable given the duration the item was present and the recent hostile interaction, was an aggressive move that prioritized cleansing her space over preserving the relationship or adhering to typical social norms for returning property.

While the OP was not entirely at fault for the coat being donated—leaving an item for that long carries some responsibility—donating it immediately following an argument was an inappropriate escalation. A more constructive approach would have been to clearly state the boundary regarding the item (e.g., “I need the coat gone by Friday, or I will donate it”) before taking action, regardless of the pre-existing conflict. This would have shifted the responsibility clearly back to Belle and avoided the immediate financial dispute.

What do you think of this story?





THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.

Mr_Ariyeh NTA. Try begin socialising with different people for peace's...

Put some physical and digital distances between you two.

Successful_Owl716 INFO - I am confused did she leave the...

Why did you suddenly decide to clean your closet and...

Lil_lofts How much was it? I mean like $20-30 if...

But if more then that f**k it her lost!

nervousandweird NTA if you *genuinely* thought the coat was an...

a*sumption. 7 months is plenty of time for her to...

and if she had a special attachment to the garment...

However if you aren't being honest, and knew for a...

then you would be TA for donating it without giving...

SliceEquivalent825 So you forgot about the coat yet you repeatedly...

Federal_Complaint692 you're both the AH. Sounds like you are trying...

I do not believe that you genuinely thought that coat...

A simple text reminding her that her coat was at...

You say she made herself the victim, but I'd argue...

You are aware of it enough to know you can...

Rory-liz-bath NTA- she didn't come get it in 7 months!!!

sorry I give a week and toss on purpose not...

The original poster (OP) found herself in a difficult position after a significant argument with her friend, which ended abruptly with the friend blocking her. The conflict escalated when the OP, having forgotten an item left behind for months, donated the friend’s coat to charity, leading to immediate demands for repayment.

Was the OP justified in donating an item left for nearly seven months, especially given the preceding argument and her own difficulties with digital communication, or was donating the coat an excessive reaction that violated the friendship’s unspoken trust? The core debate rests on the balance between personal space/time limits and responsibility for abandoned belongings.

Emily Davis

Emily writes heartfelt stories about family, parenting, and personal growth.

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