In the quiet balance between engineering calculations and the delicate art of baking, one person finds solace in crafting sweet surprises. What began as a simple hobby, a joyful escape from the relentless demands of their full-time job, has slowly transformed into a source of unexpected pressure and emotional conflict. The once carefree act of baking for friends now carries the weight of expectations and relentless requests.
Caught between the desire to bring happiness through their creations and the harsh reality of limited time and self-doubt, they struggle to maintain the joy that baking once gave them. The love for spontaneous, heartfelt cakes is challenged by the need to set boundaries, revealing the fragile line between passion and obligation.
AITA for pricing my custom cakes so high, just to discourage people from asking me for cakes.
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” The OP’s difficulty lies in managing the boundary between a valued personal activity (hobby baking) and external, non-compensated demands from close relationships. By initially offering cakes as spontaneous, low-pressure surprises, the OP inadvertently signaled that their baking skills were freely available on demand, blurring the line between friendship and service provision. When the requests became consistent, the OP correctly identified the need for a boundary, but the method chosen—setting commission rates comparable to their primary, high-skill engineering consulting work—served as a sharp, defensive barrier rather than a communicative boundary.
The family’s reaction stems from perceiving the OP’s actions through the lens of familial obligation rather than professional valuation. They see the OP’s skills as a personal asset to be shared freely, especially for ‘easy’ requests or children’s parties, making the high hourly rate feel like a personal rejection or exploitation. The OP’s motivation to monetize the hobby to protect their main career is sound; however, implementing such a steep financial barrier often results in relational damage when applied to non-business contexts. The core issue is not the price itself, but the sudden transformation of a friendly gesture into a high-stakes transaction.
The OP’s actions were appropriate in establishing that their time has value, but the execution was counterproductive relationally. A constructive recommendation would be to create tiered pricing or service levels. For close friends and immediate family, the OP could offer a ‘Friend Rate’ that covers only ingredients plus a low, non-professional hourly fee (e.g., $30/hour) for time commitment, or simply state they only make surprise cakes when they genuinely have free time, refusing all requests outright rather than quoting prohibitive rates that invite accusations of greed.
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The original poster (OP) enjoys baking as a hobby but has recently faced pressure from friends and family to provide custom cakes for events, which conflicts with their professional time constraints and desire to keep baking low-pressure. In response to this demand, the OP implemented a high-rate commission structure designed to make taking on baking jobs comparable in value to their engineering work, leading to significant pushback and accusations of being greedy or taking advantage.
Is the OP justified in setting professional-level rates for a hobby service to protect their primary career and personal time, or do the expectations of friends and family for casual favors override the OP’s need to establish clear, monetarily fair boundaries?
