In the quiet aftermath of a broken relationship, a young father watches helplessly as the woman who once shared his life and his daughter’s early days struggles with a battle far more complex than their separation. Kate, a compassionate soul devoted to charity and animals, has been consumed by anorexia, a shadow growing darker with each passing day, threatening not only her own life but the fragile bonds she shares with the child she helped raise.
Their daughter, just three years old, remains the innocent heart caught between love and pain, witnessing the slow unraveling of a woman who, in every way but legal, has been a mother to her. As Kate fights her demons in therapy and inpatient care, the father’s story unfolds as a poignant testament to resilience, hope, and the unyielding desire to protect the family they once dreamed of.
AITA for telling my ex girlfriend that I don’t want her around my daughter anymore because of her body image/behaviour?
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
The OP is in an extremely difficult position where two important relationships—his relationship with his daughter and his co-parenting arrangement with Kate—are colliding due to Kate’s severe, untreated anorexia. Kate’s behavior, specifically commenting on weight and ‘chunky’ to a three-year-old, is a direct symptom of her disorder manifesting in an inappropriate way. While Kate views the daughter as a stabilizing force (‘keeping her sane’), this shifts the emotional burden of managing her illness onto the child, which is fundamentally unhealthy for the child’s development. The daughter is at a critical stage where foundational beliefs about food, body, and self-worth are being formed.
The OP’s immediate reaction to restrict contact was an understandable, albeit harsh, act of protection. However, completely cutting off a figure who has acted as a mother figure since infancy, especially when Kate is in active crisis and therapy, could lead to significant attachment disruption for the three-year-old. A more constructive approach would be to establish firm, non-negotiable boundaries regarding language and behavior around the child, perhaps mediated through supervised or time-limited visits, while clearly communicating to Kate that access is contingent on her immediate steps to manage the direct impact of her illness on the child. The focus must remain on the child’s psychological safety above Kate’s need for emotional support.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The original poster is deeply distressed by his daughter’s developing preoccupation with weight and body image, directly tracing these comments back to the influence of his ex-partner, Kate. The central conflict lies between the OP’s protective instinct to shield his young daughter from harmful messaging and Kate’s demonstrated inability to separate her severe eating disorder struggles from her role as a primary caregiver, causing unintentional but damaging psychological impact.
Is the OP justified in immediately restricting Kate’s contact to protect their three-year-old from harmful body image comments related to her eating disorder, or does this sudden withdrawal of a mother figure cause more immediate emotional harm to the child than the risk posed by Kate’s temporary negative influence?
