Seven years after their painful split, she watches from the sidelines as her ex effortlessly moves on, his new girlfriend glowing with a warmth and kindness that her children adore. Meanwhile, her own heart has found a new home in a man who feels like a perfect match—steady, loving, and strong. Yet, beneath the surface of this fragile peace, her ex’s cruel remarks about her fiancé’s weight cut deeper than she expected, stirring old wounds and unspoken insecurities.
Her past with him is a shadow she can’t forget—years marked by silent suffering and physical pain, where love was overshadowed by discomfort and emptiness. The memory of those bruises and broken moments lingers, a stark reminder of why she chose to walk away. Now, as she builds a new life filled with hope and happiness, the bitterness of his judgments threatens to unravel the fragile joy she’s fought so hard to reclaim.
AITA for telling my ex that he absolutely sucked in bed due to his weight?
As renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman explains, “. . . the single most important thing that partners can do to improve their relationship is to be able to talk about the hard things in a way that doesn’t generate too much defensiveness.”
This situation highlights a severe breakdown in post-separation co-parenting communication, rooted in unresolved resentment from the original breakup. The ex-partner’s comments about the fiancé’s weight serve as a projection mechanism; his own physical insecurity and the subsequent rejection by the OP manifest as criticism toward the new partner who embodies what the OP finds desirable. His comment about past partners being ‘fat’ attempts to reassert a sense of superiority or control that he lost when the OP ended the relationship.
The OP’s reaction, while understandable as a defense against ongoing provocation, escalated the conflict by violating privacy and attacking his specific insecurity (his physical state and sexual performance). While the ex’s behavior is inappropriate for co-parenting, future interactions should focus on direct boundary setting rather than dredging up past relationship failures. A constructive recommendation is for the OP to communicate clearly and calmly with the ex (perhaps via text for documentation) that comments about her fiancé’s body are unacceptable and will result in ending the interaction immediately, without engaging in counter-attacks about their past intimacy.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
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The original poster (OP) is facing a recurring conflict where her ex-partner repeatedly insults her current fiancé’s weight, seemingly motivated by his own insecurity stemming from the OP leaving him partially due to physical incompatibility. The OP reacted defensively by revealing a private, painful detail about their past intimacy, which further wounded the ex, despite his instigation.
Given the ex’s continued pattern of making negative comments, is the OP justified in using deeply personal and hurtful past experiences as a defense mechanism, or should she establish firmer boundaries focused solely on future conduct regarding her fiancé?
