From the moment she was born, the weight of absence and disappointment shadowed her early years. Reunited with a father she barely knew, she stepped into a world fraught with anger, violence, and unspoken regrets—a childhood where love was overshadowed by fear and the painful echo of harsh words.
Yet, through the storms of a volatile home, she held onto a fragile hope. Though the scars remained and the battles endured, time softened some wounds, bringing a fragile peace that whispered of survival and the unyielding strength to endure beyond the pain.
AITAH for refusing to forgive my dad (62M) and quitting tutoring after finding out about his will?
As renowned psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “When we try to change people who don’t want to change, we end up feeling drained and frustrated.” This situation clearly illustrates the difficulty of maintaining a relationship with a parent whose past behavior suggests a fundamental lack of respect and equality for his children, particularly his daughters.
The OP’s internal conflict—being hurt by the will despite believing she did not care for her father—is a common psychological response to relational trauma. Her efforts to tutor for his society were an attempt to establish a low-stakes connection, but the discovery about the will served as objective evidence that the power dynamics and value system (favoring sons) remain intact. Her decision to cut contact is a form of self-preservation, setting a boundary against future emotional pain. The father’s subsequent emotional display (crying and feeling lonely) appears to be reactive distress about being exposed, rather than genuine remorse directed toward his daughters.
The OP’s action to cut him off is appropriate given the history of violence and the clear affirmation of devaluation. Regarding the tutoring sessions, prioritizing mental health over social convenience is essential. A constructive approach for the future involves maintaining the current boundary firmly, perhaps communicating the decision clearly to her mother if necessary, and focusing energy on supportive relationships rather than attempting to repair a relationship that the other party has shown no genuine commitment to fixing.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.
The original poster is facing a significant emotional conflict rooted in years of familial abuse and neglect, highlighted by the father’s recent decision regarding his will. Cutting off contact represents a decisive action to protect personal boundaries after a painful realization that the father has not truly changed or valued his daughters, despite the OP’s efforts to build a relationship.
Is the original poster justified in completely cutting off a parent who has a documented history of severe abuse and has now confirmed his lack of regard through his estate planning, or is she obligated to maintain some level of connection to appease her mother and avoid social scrutiny?
