He met her at a fragile crossroads in both their lives—him freshly separated, her trapped in a troubled marriage. Despite the tangled emotions and warnings, a connection sparked, fueled by shared pain and the hope for a new beginning. But love, as he would soon learn, often carries hidden scars beneath its tender surface.
As their relationship deepened, so did the shadows. Just as hope blossomed with the news of a child, startling truths emerged—confessions that challenged trust and threatened to unravel the fragile bond they’d built. Yet, amidst the turmoil, he fought to hold onto love, pulling together a future for their blended family, determined to rewrite their story against all odds.
Should I keep trying with my (31m) pregnant gf (27f) of one year?
As renowned psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “Self-dumping is what happens when we hold onto people and situations that actively diminish us because we are more afraid of being alone than we are of being miserable.”
The OP’s situation is a textbook example of cognitive dissonance exacerbated by intense emotional attachment and investment. He moved quickly to merge lives (buying a house, securing a job for her) while ignoring mounting red flags, which only increased his sunk cost fallacy regarding the relationship. The partner’s pattern of behavior—which began with hiding her marriage while advising the OP to ‘stick it out’ in his own marriage—suggests a foundational difficulty with truthfulness and self-disclosure, escalating from financial sex work to undisclosed health risks (Herpes) and finally to professional dishonesty.
The OP’s decision to remain silent about her actions during his exit interview, despite being fired based on her potentially false reports, demonstrates a protective instinct toward her that is now directly undermining his own reputation and well-being. His continued love for her, juxtaposed against her destructive actions (including involving his employer), makes clear that he needs significant distance. The most constructive path forward is to prioritize paternity testing immediately upon the child’s birth to secure his legal position, while maintaining firm boundaries against further emotional manipulation. Reconciliation is only viable if the partner commits to intensive, verifiable therapy to address the underlying issues driving chronic deception, something that requires more than just regret over being caught.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The original poster (OP) is experiencing a severe crisis of trust and emotional devastation following the discovery of numerous significant deceptions by his pregnant partner, including infidelity, past sex work, and potential professional misconduct affecting his employment. He is torn between his residual love for her and the objective reality of her dishonesty and the resulting harm to his career and mental health.
Given the depth of the lies concerning her past and present behavior, should the OP prioritize his own stability and the safety of his existing children by severing ties, or is the impending birth of a child a sufficient reason to attempt reconciliation and work through the extreme trust deficits?
