Thanksgiving had always been a bustling, joyful chaos in their home—a gathering of friends, family, and extended relatives that brought warmth and laughter under one roof. But this year, the weight of uncertainty and personal struggles cast a shadow over their tradition, leaving them questioning if the celebration would happen at all.
With a father in the hospital and a looming trip on the horizon, the once clear plans blurred into hesitation and quiet resignation. The silence from long-time friends and the unexpected news from closer companions stirred a complex mix of emotions—hope, disappointment, and the aching desire to keep the spirit of togetherness alive despite the odds.
WIBTA if I ask friends why our family was not invited to their Thanksgiving after hosting them in our house a couple of years in a row?
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” This situation highlights a critical failure in establishing or respecting relational boundaries, complicated by the OP’s tendency to prioritize appearing ‘nice’ over asserting their feelings of being wronged.
The OP’s feeling of being ‘pissed’ stems from a perceived violation of social reciprocity, compounded by the belief that Friends A are taking advantage of the OP’s known tendency to absorb perceived slights silently. The OP is correct that in established social circles where hosting duties have been shared, an exclusion without explanation can feel pointed, particularly when the OP’s own circumstances (hospitalization, travel) made hosting unfeasible this year. The OP’s decision not to confront them, while avoiding immediate conflict, reinforces the dynamic where their needs are overlooked. Friends B’s surprise confirms that the exclusion was not the general social norm.
The OP’s actions in deciding to say nothing are appropriate if their primary goal is to avoid immediate discomfort, but this choice means the underlying resentment will likely persist. A more constructive future approach involves setting clearer expectations about hosting burdens and, if necessary, gently addressing the past action by focusing on the relationship rather than accusation (e.g., expressing surprise that they weren’t included, without demanding a reason).
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant anger because they were excluded from a Thanksgiving invitation extended by friends (A), especially given the OP’s past generosity in hosting the same group. The central conflict lies between the OP’s belief that omitting an invitation was a clear act of rudeness and a violation of social expectations, and their reluctance to address the issue directly due to personal discomfort and a desire to maintain politeness.
Is the omission of a Thanksgiving invitation by long-term acquaintances, who previously benefited from the OP’s hosting, an undeniable breach of social etiquette requiring confrontation, or is it acceptable for hosts to manage their guest list privately without expectation of reciprocity or formal explanation?
