At just eighteen, she found herself thrust into a whirlwind of fear and uncertainty, carrying a life she hadn’t planned for and reaching out to the one who shared this unexpected bond. But his silence and cold dismissal left her isolated, grappling alone with a future that felt both overwhelming and fragile.
As she navigated the painful decision of adoption, seeking connection and closure, she was met not with support but with cruelty and rejection. In the midst of her vulnerability, surrounded by voices urging silence, she fought to find her own strength and voice amidst the storm.
Aitah for not telling the father of my child that I went through the pregnancy after he told me to get an abortion?
As renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman explains, “The real cause of a relationship problem is rarely the superficial event; it’s the underlying dynamic of how people interact with each other.” In this situation, the underlying dynamic established immediately was one of abandonment and unilateral decision-making by the father when faced with an unexpected crisis. His initial silence and subsequent demand for an abortion positioned him as controlling and uninvolved in the shared reality of the pregnancy.
The OP’s motivation for not responding to the abortion demand was rooted in self-preservation and a reaction to the father’s controlling behavior, which was supported by her therapist. When a person exhibits stonewalling (ignoring calls) followed by demands rather than collaborative communication, establishing a boundary by refusing to engage with the demand is often a necessary protective step. The father’s current anger stems from a sense of entitlement over the outcome of the pregnancy, ignoring his own abdication of responsibility when the situation first arose. His therapist encouraging contact now does not negate the impact of his past actions.
The OP was generally appropriate in prioritizing her emotional and physical well-being and refusing to be coerced into a medical decision. Moving forward, if future communication is necessary, the OP should maintain firm, factual boundaries, focusing only on necessary logistics regarding the adoption, rather than defending her past non-response to his demands. She should continue to rely on professional guidance to manage interactions with the father.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The original poster (OP) faced a sudden, significant life event at a young age and proceeded with difficult decisions, such as choosing adoption, largely without the biological father’s participation after his initial non-response. The central conflict revolves around the father’s current demand for accountability regarding the lack of involvement and his anger that the OP did not follow his direction to terminate the pregnancy, contrasting sharply with the OP’s need for support and autonomy during the crisis.
Was the OP wrong for not responding to the father’s demand for an abortion when he had previously ignored her attempts to communicate during her initial pregnancy scare, or was her decision to proceed independently, guided by her support system, the only appropriate response given his unreliability?
