After the devastating loss of her husband, a woman finds herself navigating the fragile threads of family and forgiveness. Her late husband’s cherished violin, a symbol of his passion and legacy, now rests in the hands of her goddaughter—a young woman fighting her own demons and struggling to reclaim her life from the shadows of addiction.
In a home filled with memories and hope, the weight of responsibility presses heavily as she confronts the painful reality of broken promises and fading trust. The battle to save her niece from self-destruction becomes a poignant testament to love’s endurance, resilience, and the desperate desire to heal wounds that run deeper than any music ever could.
WIBTA if I gave my husband’s violin to a child?
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
The OP’s situation involves a clash between familial obligation, personal grief, and establishing necessary boundaries. The promise to the goddaughter (niece) created an expectation, but the niece’s subsequent actions—involving drug use, jeopardizing custody, and a volatile departure—effectively nullified the basis upon which that promise should stand in the present moment. The OP was correct to prioritize the safety and legal security of her household by setting firm limits regarding illegal drug use, which supersedes an informal promise concerning property.
Psychologically, holding onto the violin for the niece acts as a tether to the past, potentially preventing the OP from fully processing her husband’s death and moving forward. Furthermore, the OP’s desire to see the instrument used aligns with her late husband’s known values regarding music education. Ethically, giving the violin to the housemate’s child is a responsible decision that serves an immediate, beneficial purpose, honoring the *spirit* of the husband’s legacy over the *letter* of an outdated promise.
The OP’s action of considering giving the violin away is appropriate given the niece’s current instability. A more constructive approach for future conflicts would be to communicate the decision clearly and compassionately to the niece, framing it not as punishment, but as a temporary measure contingent on demonstrable stability (e.g., ‘When you are stable and ready for this responsibility, we can discuss its return’). However, for immediate use, giving it to the child who needs it is the better choice.
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The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict between honoring a promise made by her late husband and the practical reality of the situation, which involves her goddaughter’s unreliability and the immediate need of another child. The OP feels that honoring the spirit of her husband’s wish—that the violin be used for music education—outweighs adhering strictly to the promise made to a person who is currently unable to care for the instrument or benefit from it.
Given the circumstances, is the OP justified in giving the late husband’s violin to the housemate’s child, who actively needs and wants to use it, rather than holding it for a goddaughter who has proven unreliable and is currently absent?
